Coworkers

I realize that I have never really written anything about my coworkers, so nobody reading this has any clue whatsoever about my working enviornment. It boils down like this...

Apart from one other woman, I am the only American at work. We have one New Zealander, one South African, and two Brits. The rest are all Canadians. That said, my vocabulary now includes the words eh, rubbish, and bugger. My bosses are from Canadia, and the secretaries are Korean. Oh yea, and the kids are all Korean too, just in case you were wondering.

Also bear in mind that in this fabulous land of Korea, I have nobody to vent to. Why? Because all the people I would vent to, I work with, and this is just bad karma. So I decide to vent on the internet for all the world to see.

I am a firm believer in NOT talking about politics at work. It's one thing to talk about it with your friends, or at lunch, or whatever. It is NOT ok to talk about it in a tiny enclosed room with 12 other people of all nationalities present. If I want to hear about the horrible state of the US economy and Obama's views, I will go to CNN and get my information there. I do not want to go to work, try and concentrate on what I'm doing, and then loudly be informed about "Liberal tree huggers" from 5 feet away. By a Canadian no less. A Canadian who preaches nonstop about politics and his opinions, and has never once mention the HUGE election that's about to happen in Canada. Pretty nice EH?!

The other gem in the room is the teacher who stares at you like you're an idiot every time you talk to him. Every time anyone asks something, all you get in return is this wide eyed, open mouthed stare, as if you were speaking in a foreign language. There's always the 10 second delay before any answer as well. I'm sure he's a very nice person, but he's not given anyone a chance to get to know him, which puts him in the "oh well" category. As said before, I'm not here to make friends.

I'm sure Korea brings in it's share of oddballs, and I guess that's why I'm here writing about it. 12 people that not only work together, but live in close enough proximity to hear each other's telephone conversations and comings and goings. Anyone up for a team building workshop?

I'm an asshole

There is one thing about living in Korea that I have never gotten used to, and that's when groups of middle and high schoolers stop what they're doing, point at me, giggle, and yell HIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!! You really have to experience this to realize it's not all that cute. Sure, it might sound fine and you're probably thinking "So what, say Hi back". I thought this too when I got here. WRONG.

First of all, when I'm walking with someone else and having a conversation, I find it utterly rude to be interrupted by squealing children yelling at me. Second, the fact that I'm being pointed and giggled at makes me feel violated, zoo-animal like, and frankly a little violated.

So I decided to start having a little fun with the f*ckers.

At first I simply ignored them, but that didn't turn out to be any fun. Then, when they started giggling and pointing, I started giggling and pointing back at them. This simply made them giggle harder, which wasn't really the reaction I was looking for. I then upgraded antics, and learned how to say "What the hell are you looking at?" in Korean. The responses I get to this I can't understand, because well, I don't speak Korean. So again I was bored.

Asher proved to be more fun than I bargained for. Since Koreans are mostly NOT fans of dogs, whenever I'm walking him and I get the giggling and HIIIIII, I let him a little looser off his leash, which sends him barelling towards the middle of a group of 13 year old feet. The screaming and sheer terror this ignites in the kids makes me laugh. I know, I'm a horrible person. But it excites him, and who am I go keep my dog from being happy?

I've also become a fan of sticking my tongue out at them. It's not mean, and it makes them laugh. I see them staring, I stick out my tongue and cross my eyes. I get bonus points if they do it back.

When really little ones point and stare, I like to favor the bite. I look at them like I'm really mad and then snap my teeth together. This usually results in a wide eyed stare, and open mouthed gasp, and an immediate turning around back to their parents. I'm a huge supporter of teaching your kids manners, and not to stare at other people. It's rude.

Today was my crowning glory of having fun. It's probably totally wrong, but whatever.

Liz and I were walking downtown. And a side note, I saw more coffee girls today than I have ever seen on any given day, and one even said HI to us!!! How exciting is that?! I know, I was pretty pumped. ANYWAYS.... we were walking downtown, and about 100 feet in front of us was a gaggle of twittering 13 year olds, probably 8 or 9 of them. I knew we had a split second before we were spotted, so I said to Liz "Ssssh, play along". As suspected, as soon as we were within their range, they all started pointing, giggling, waving, and saying "HIIIIII". I waited until we got right up to them, saw them waving, look at them and did the following: I pointed to my ear, made an X with my arms, and then used sign language to Liz. All girls immediatley quieted and a chorus of "aaaaaaahhhh" echoed around the sidewalk. Annoyance averted.

I'm probably going to hell for what I do to kids here. But seriously, I'm not much of a drinker and I have to keep myself entertained somehow....

Jackpot

Today I reached a personal milestone in Korea: my coffe girl (i.e. prostitute) count has now surpassed 50, and I can stop counting.

Today was the first day where it was actually chilly outside. I think in Korea there is a weather button, and you hit and HEY! there's autumn. All jokes aside, it was an absolutely beautiful sunny day. The air was crisp, the wind was blowing, and long sleeves were in order.

Liz and I decided to walk to Home Plus. While walking I always keep my eyes and ears peeled for the sounds of the coffee girls. The loud music and the sideway pose on the back of the bike are the indicators. Usually I can see at least one when I walk. Not on this day. Today I saw SIX. And not only did I see that many, I actually came within touching distance of 3 of them! One stopped to refuel her "bodyguards" scooter. Liz and I were pretty excited by that. Then one whizzed and turned the corner as we crossed the street, about 3 feet from where we stood. Awesome again. And then on the way home one came flying down an alley, and I could have reached out and grabbed the strap of her Hello Kitty purse.

I do realize this is a strange and twisted hobby, but seriously, who cares?! It entertains me endlessly. If only I could get a photograph...

Life abroad

I suppose I didn't realize how many poeple read this blog. The extent of those reading this has surpassed those I gave the website to. I wanted to write about life in Korea, mostly the humor in things that are so different from back home. To those reading, they should note that for entertainment sake, I always add a little something to make it funnier, more enjoyable for those at home to read.

In reality, life here is sometimes not all that funny, or even entertaining. It's hard, and it's lonely. I wake up every morning in an empty bed, with the sound of my puppy whining to be walked. I walk him, stopping every few minutes to let someone pet him. I cannot understand anything that's said to me, so I just smile and nod. I go grocery shopping, and smile at the checkout girl. I cannot say anything to her, because she won't understand. I can't even ask for help in the grocery store, or any other store for that matter, because nobody speaks English. It is a rare and seldom thing here to be able to communicate with someone. I work with people who speak English, but most of them I cannot find a common ground with, and the conversations shared are basic and run as deep as a puddle. This is not a bad thing, and it's not because anyone dislikes each other, it's simply a difference of background and lifestyles. Every night I come home from work, cook dinner, walk my dog, and head to bed. Weekends are spent walking miles and miles because frankly, there's nothing really to do here if you're not a raging alcoholic, which I'm not. To the people that read this and don't live in Korea, there is no loneliness like that which you learn while living here. Surrounded by people and being separated by not only language, but lifestyle. At home we find common ground with others, while here there is none. At home we mostly embrace the cultures we are surrounded with, while here we are outcasts because of it.

I miss my husband terribly. People said I was crazy to get married and the move to another country. That's fine, everyone is entitled to their opinions. I have found that while being here, the realization of love has dawned on me. I never thought I was capable of caring about another person as much as I care about John, and no matter how many things I find enjoyment in here, they are simply not as good without my husband to share them with. I don't have a best friend here to make fun of Korean clothes with, or to vent to, or watch movies with, or simply live my life with. Being so far away from him has made me realize there is no other person I'd rather get old and ugly with, and experience life with.

I came to Korea to find myself, to know that I am able to take care of myself, and stand on my own two feet. I wanted to know that I could do it. I wanted to get out of the bubble of Cincinnati and find another culture, to experience life somewhere else, and learn about others. What I have learned while living here is that not only am I stronger than I believe capable of myself, but that also that home is with the people you love and cherish the most. It is only since coming here that the comforts of home have been made clear to me. They are comforts that I will never take for granted again.

So I hope to the readers that this blog is entertaining, and fun. But days get monotonous, and with every joke I write on here, it lets me reach out a little bit to those at home that I miss so much.

Heroes

"Heroes" is one of my favorite shows to watch. When at home, I watch it every Monday. This changes a little bit here. It's on Tuesday mornings, and I had planned to watch it on ABC.com. This did not turn out to be as easy as I had thought.

You can't watch anything on ABC.com if you're not in the United States. Sadly, they cannot tell through osmosis that I'm actually an American, so a little window pops up and says "Sorry, you suck at life and because you're in Korea, we're not going to let you watch your favorite show."

So I downloaded a program which lets you download stuff. Yea, that's how I'm describing it. So I use this program to download Heroes, only none of the copies work. I can't find a decent one. I then scour the internet to find any random site that will let me watch my favorite show. No such luck. It's now Thursday night.

Lucky for me, I work with a guy who loves downloading stuff, and can somehow find anything. I mean anything. So, on this Thursday night, I had to have a Canadian bring his entire hard drive to my apartment, load the shows into my computer, where I then had to use a downloaded media player to watch two hours of my favorite show.

Korea F*ing SPARKLING.

Cop a feel why don't ya

This morning I went to the bus terminal in town to get a phone card. The bus terminal was insanely crowded this morning, and here I am, in a tank top and a skirt to my knees, rushing through hundreds of Koreans. Then it happened.

There I am, minding my own business, when this 70ish year old woman walks up to me, thrusts both of her hands onto my ass and starts shouting "Yes, very sexy, beauuuuutiful".

Now where in the *$^% does this happen?! Sure as hell not back home. But then again, I do forget that in Korea I am only a zoo animal to be looked at and grabbed, so what was I even thinking being offended by a senior citizen molesting me in broad daylight?

Long weekend

So it's holiday time in Korea, which means a four day weekend for Jasmin and company. Liz and I have had plans to go to Seoul for quite some time now, and it's finally time to go.

I haven't been to Seoul yet, so I'm very excited. It's some insanely huge city, something like 11 million people, and if it's anything like the disorganization in THIS city, it should be very interesting.

Asher is on his own for the first time since I've brought him home, which frankly scares me. He's a big enough mama's boy as it is, so we'll see how he does with a stranger.

More info to come after the weekend when I get home...

Fun at school

I'm in class today teaching, and we're doing a round of "do you have a sister?" I get to little Abby, who is about 10 years old, and has bright red glasses, a squeaky little voice, and these bouncy pigtails. Basically she's the cutest thing ever.

I say "Abby, do you have a sister?" And she answers "Yes, I do" and I ask "How old is she?" and without hesitating with a dead straight face she says "She is $15 dollars."

Honest mistake, I know, but so cute!

A learning experience

I know most of my blogs are about the random and crazy things that happen here in Korea. But I also find myself changing a little bit here as well. Not in a major sense, but becoming more happy and secure with myself. I've never once in my life been entirely alone. I've always been surrounded by a close network of family and friends. I will never again take that for granted. Here, slowly, and bit by bit, I am learning just exactly what I'm capable of.

I live in a country where nobody speaks English. The tiny little things that I take for granted back home become a chore here. If I need cough drops, I have to find someone that can understand me. I can't get directions anywhere because I don't know any addresses and I can't understand the language. Grocery shopping now takes 3 times as long because I can't read labels. The fact that grocery shopping involves memorizing package coloring and looking at pictures sometimes makes me laugh. A lot of communication is done with hand signals, nods, and fingers. It's very childlike sometimes, but it gets the job done.

Customs here are so different from back home. Pushing and shoving into people without a second thought is normal here, so when I get angry at being shoved I calmly remind myself that it's normal here. And then I shove back. You never hand anyone here anything with your left hand, and it's considered rude. You don't write with red pen here, as it has something to do with the Japanese invading and they consider it back luck. You bow to old people. Even I find myself bowing every time I say hello to an elderly person.

Interaction with other foreigners here is also quite interesting. I find myself working with 12 people from all over the world. We come from all walks of life, with different views, different upbringings, and different morals. With that come different likes, hobbies, attitudes, and styles of living. These are mostly the same people I come into contact with every day, and I find myself wondering, "If I was at home, would I be friends with any of these people?" At home we go to work, and then we live our lives. Our lives are not intertwined with those of our co-workers. Here I feel odd because we're all together, in a foreign country. Should I spend time with people even though I have nothing in common with them and wouldn't be friends with them otherwise? I think not. I don't think there's anything wrong with it either. I'm here to work, not make friends. If I make good friends in the process, I consider it a bonus. One thing that I'm always good at is entertaining myself. I like travelling alone, and doing things that I want to do. I don't think that just because there's people here that I HAVE to become friends with them. That is not how life works.

Pigs

This morning I took Asher for a walk. I walk him down the street, through the neighborhood, and into a little park with grass and a soccer field. My neighborhood is like a little sidestreet in New York City. Little shops, grocers, people with stands on the sidewalk, butcher shops. It's own little entity in the city.

I took him down the sidewalk and passed the butcher shop. They always have fresh cuts of meat you can buy. And this morning, on the sidewalk, are 10 pig heads. For a split second I thought they were fake, and then I realized "No, I'm in Korea, and those are pig heads." Huge, dead, bloody pig heads. It was only the heads, and that's the only part that had blood on them. The actual head was white, pale, the eyes were closed, and the ears were laying out. All 10 of them laid out in a row. I stopped, shrieked, and then just gaped open mouthed.

I ran back after work tonight to try and snap a picture but they were all gone. I wish I would have had my camera on me.... Maybe tommorrow :)

Korean Fuzz

I came across this police car today. How can I take a Korean po po seriously when he has THAT seat cover on his car?!

If you missed it the first time, look closely....

Shopping Attempt

I attempted actual shopping in Korea. That is, I went out with the intent to purchase clothing and shoes. The main word here is ATTEMPTED! I came home with a $7 scarf and some hair conditioner.

Koreans don't dress badly. They dress like Koreans. I've never seen anything back home like the clothing they wear here. It's hard to explain unless you see it, which is why I take pictures of it as often as possible. I'm still trying to understand the mind of the Korean female. "Hmm, I think that today these green leggings, neon pink shirt, yellow shoes, red purse, and pink plastic clips in my hair would look REALLY GREAT!" Maybe they are all color blind, but as I, a non Korean, am not, this combination doesn't make sense to me. Anyways, I digress. The point of the excursion today was that I have just gotten paid a very nice amount, so I took $100 downtown with the intention of spending all of it and having a slamming good time.

Having a slamming good time was not in Jasmin's cards this morning. First off, it was raining. Second, every time Jasmin eats something NOT from the kitchen (i.e. OUT at a restaurant or fast food) she gets sick.

We ended up taking the bus to the university area. We then discovered that Korean's new fall fashions were all brown. Not a pretty brown, more like a "I just sharted in my pants" brown. Hideous browns, yellows, and greens. After looking through tiny little shops, countless racks, and pushing through dark haired short people, I gave up. On the plus side, I found some nice scarves for really cheap. Then I bought some conditioner, as the water here is killing my hair, and it is now silky and smooooth. The total dent in my wallet? $20.

After the exciting and oh so NOT successful shopping trip, Liz and I headed to Starbucks with our Scrabble board. Since moving here I have become addicted to Scrabble. However, I cannot beat Liz. I used up all 7 letters in my turn today, making the awesome word of "toolshed", got 50 extra points and a bonus turn, and I still lost. I made up with the stunning ego blow by having a doughnut from Dunkin' Donuts. We have that here.

Shopping here is not like back home. They don't have shops like Target, Gap, or anything really. It's tiny little independently owned boutiques that sell shit that doesn't even begin to cover a set of DD ta-ta's. I went out excited, thrilled, and anticipating cool little finds I would buy. I came home with depressed ta-ta's, a defeated Scrabble ego, a ring of jelly on my mouth from my doughnut, and a new scarf. On the plus side, my hair is now incredibly soft and shiny, and I only got stared at twice today.

Child Safety

This morning I'm in a cab, and look into the car next to me. In the backseat is a small boy. Not only is there a small boy, but the small boy is swinging from the "Oh Shit" handle. You know that handle you're supposed to use to steady yourself on the roof of the car? That one. He was holding onto it with both hands, his feet on the roof, swinging back and forth like a little monkey. He looked exactly like a MONKEY.

When I see kids in cars, I rarely see them in child seats. They're sitting on laps while parents drive, jumping around in the backseat, and jumping around in the FRONT seat. I've seen mopeds, and the driver has a small child standing between his legs with hands on the handlebars.

Britney Spears would fit in well here

You just asked me WHAT?!

My 8 o'clock student and I discuss world topics. She's incredibly smart, speaks great English, and it really fun to talk to.

Today in class she busts out the following... "Mrs. Raetzer, you're German. Since you're German, do you like Adolf Hitler? Because don't all Germans like him?"

My mouth hung open in pure shock, and I am thinking to myself "Did you just SERIOUSLY ask me that?!" Where do you even begin to answer such a question? Not only did a 13 year old jus task me that, but seriously, where do you START?!

At that exact moment, thankfully the bell rang, and I was saved from giving her a much needed non-Korean history lesson.

My New Student

I got a new private today. I was told I'd be getting one, so I was ready and prepared. They said he was young, so I was ready and prepared for that too. Then I walked into class...

This child is 4 years old. He comes to my knees, and is so small he has to sit on his feet to reach the desk. So I think "there's no way I can teach a 4 year old a FOREIGN LANGUAGE!" WRONG. I open the book and this kid starts pointing at stuff saying "car, carrot, rabbit". I was blown away. Then after class this little tyke holds my hand to walk out, and I immedietly fell in love.

I have to take a picture of this child and post it, he's the tiniest child I've ever seen. He's also so F*ing adorable I want to stuff him in between 2 Oreos and eat him. With milk.

Haircut

So I've been here almost 3 months, and in woman time, that means it's time for a haircut. Actually I should have had one about 6 weeks ago, but the thought of a Korean wielding a pair of scissors near my hair terrifies me. Why you ask? Because their idea of a haircut and ours is HIGHLY different. They seem to favor layers all over your head, looking somewhat like a circular bowl cut. Does this appeal to me? HELLLLL no.

So I had a teacher point out a salon to me, with explicit instructions to "ONLY A TRIM. I WANT IT TO LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME". I'm scared. I'm petrified. It's my HAIR! On Saturday I'm going all in.

I just really hope I don't come out with a Korean mullet. Seriously.

Stinky stuff

I took Asher out walking this morning, and as soon as I stepped outside I'm blasted by the nastiest smell I've smelled in a long time. Sort of like trash mixed in with fish. And not the nice grilled fish you smell at Mitchell's, I'm talking about the rotting kind.

I have no clue where it came from, and I hoped it would go away, but no. It lasted the WHOLE WAY down the street! Absolutely disgusting. Really made my morning, walking through trash smell and rotting fish whiffs.

Happy Monday!