Bow down!

On my first day back, I bowed to the Mexican guy at Chipotle. That's right, I BOWED! And even before getting home, on my layover, I bowed to the guy at H&M. Seriously, I thought I was going to never live that one down. A quiet "Jasmin, do you know you just bowed to that guy?"

I'm not sure where this need to bow has come from. Korea has ruined me. I go to the store, and I want to blurt out "Camsahamnida". Which I can't do, because NOBODY WILL UNDERSTAND ME, BECAUSE I'M IN AMERICA!!!!!!!!

Maybe secretly I'm into the whole bowing thing, and I like it. I secretly miss it, and now that I can't really have a reason to do it anymore, I'm a little lost.

There is however, a little Korean restaurant down the street from me, so maybe I could go in there and bow to them..... they'll appreciate it.

OK.....

So apparently that was NOT my last blog, as fitting back in at home is a little bit strange, and it's a little amusing to say the least. The blog now is going to focus on trying to adjust back home, start married life, and find a J O B.

Which in THIS economy, is going to be a LOT of fun!

Ode

This will be my last post on this blog. Why? Because as I write this I'm sitting in the Seattle International Airport waiting for my flight home. That's right, I threw in the towel and decided to go home 6 months early.

In the end, Korea was just NOT where I wanted to be. I was working a job that was sucking out my Seoul (yea, lame, I know), living in a tiny apartment I hated, and away from my family and friends. The exchange rate was causing me to lose tons of money each month, and I generally was not a fan of Korea nor it's people and culture.

I went to Korea to teach, not be a monkey. And yet there I was, working at a job that any idiot could do, repeating and repeating, day after day. I was not asked to actively use my brain, nor teach, which is pretty demoralizing if teaching is what you're going after. I was restricted in what I could do with my students to the point of suffocation, and got tired of being treated like a complete moron at my job. I worked in an enviornment which was not encouraging in the least, not positive, and just plain BORING.

Being away from my family and friends is the hardest thing I have ever done, hands down, in my entire life. I hated it, no lie there. The fact that I had a husband at home made it even worse, because everything is more enjoyable for me when he is there. So to spend every day so far away from them, so far removed from everything at home, I couldn't take it any more.

I made good friends in Korea though, that is the one thing I will take away. Friends that I hope to have for life. With the exception of a few people (like the bitch, the snob, and the drunk) everyone I worked with I genuinley liked. I'm glad to have met such great people and made a little family overseas for myself.

So besides the friends and maybe some of the pastries, I shall miss nothing about Korea. I learned many things about myself, and that is the experience I hold dear. I don't regret going, I don't regret anything. I learned so much while I was there, about myself, what I'm capable, and how much I can take.

Korea Sparking... FAREWELL!

Crash

Sometimes you just have to know when enough is enough. You reach a point, and at that point you crack.

I have cracked. At this moment, I am emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted.

And yet a new journey begins

What's happening to me?!

I came to a stark realization today. Korea has turned me into a BITCH. Maybe it's just while I'm here, as a self defense machanism. I sure as hell hope so.

I'm from Cincinnati, the land of the conservative and polo shirt wearing golfers. Hey, it is what it is, I'm just saying... I've always been outspoken, but a bit shy. I'm honest only to a point, and even when I really want to be rude, I'm not.

6 months later...

I'm now a loud and brash Westerner in a sea of dark hair and almond eyes. I yell at cars as I walk because they barrel out right in front of me. Any New Yorker would be proud. I say ungodly things to teenage boys who assault me every day on my way to work with "Oooo yes, very sexy! You like Korean boy?!" When I'm grocery shopping I take my cart and shove it into people who are in my way. I push over people to get to the produce I want. I cut in lines. I spit on the street. I throw my trash into buckets on corners. I drop the F bomb profusely. I wear ugly Korean clothing and think I look good. I'm brutally honest in my place of employment, and I bitch about the freezing cold building I work in nonstop.

I'm sincerely hoping this will all stop as soon as I set foot back onto American soil. This country is like "kill or be killed". If I don't shove people, my ass is going to be knocked on the ground. I'm polite to people who are rude to my face. I bow to old people who look at my in digust because I'm wearing a tank top and shorts. If I don't watch my back, someone will shove me in it.

In a culture that is so polite and heirarchal in so many ways, there are so many ways in which you have to be rude. It's almost like being rude gains you respect. But what do I know? I'm only a waeguk.

Seriously though, this hideous clothing problem has got to STOP. Jasmin is most DEFINETLEY hitting up the Gap during Christmas holidays....

New Blog

Since one blog is apparently not enough, I have started another one. It's called "The Sassy Cynic" and it's also on this website. Instead of writing only about Korean adventures, this one of more of a rant about everything situations and life in general, not particularly pertaining to Korea. I wanted to keep this one ONLY about Korea.....

www.SassyCynic.blogspot.com

Only one post up so far, but stay tuned!

New words!

Since living in Korea, I have added many new vocabulary words to my... vocabulary. I work with a bunch of Canadians, one South African, one Kiwi, and one South African. The following words are now a part of my every day conversations, and will be included here with a definition, what country it's from, and used in a sentence.

1. Pesh (New Zealand): to make out with someone. "Hey Jasmin, did you see that guy? I'd love to go and have a pesh with him."

2. Eh (Canada): I have no Fing clue what this actually means. "Hey Jasmin, that burgers pretty good EH?"

3. Wank (England): to mastubrate. "What a WANKER!"

4. Slapper (England): slut. "Well, look at that old slapper!"

5. Knackered (England): tired. "I'm going to head home, I'm knackered"

6. Lolly (New Zealand): any hard candy. "Jasmin, do you fancy a lolly?"

Those are only what I can think of off them top of my head. Along with those we've got all kinds of confusion now in the staffroom. Stuffing, knickers, vests, jumpers, iron, biscuits, cookies, football. You name it, between everyone in my staffroom, we all think it means something else.

Korea SPARKLING!

Happy Thanksgiving

So it's Thanksgiving today, and I didn't even realize it until about 3 hours after I'd woken up. Why? Because I'm in South Korea, and there were no Indians here for the white people to wipe out. Maybe there's some form of "The Japanese came and killed a lot of us" but I haven't heard of any holiday associated with that. Yes, that was probably completely UNpc of me to say, but whatever, I'm alone on Thanksgiving.

So what do you do when you're alone on Thanksgiving? Eh.... you make breakfast in your underwear and cuddle with your puppy while he tries to eat your face.

Seriously though, I really miss my family. I'm really big on holidays back home, and this time of year is my favorite time. There are always good friends and loved ones around, laughing and having a good time. It's the time of year when you cringe at the Christmas songs on the radio (I secretly LOVE them) and shopping becomes a contact sport. The air is cold and chilly and decorations start slowly going up, and twinkly lights are everywhere at night. Waking up and realizing I'm completely alone at the start of my favorite time of year is depressing enough in itself to make me want to go out and decorate a small Korean child in Christmas lights and shiny plastic streamers... or stuff them full of Stove Top and shove them in my toaster oven.

EHow.... EWHAT?!

Hello readers. I thought I'd take all this angry, pent up, frustration and put them to good use. I signed up on a website where you can publish how to articles. It seemed like fun, and a good way for me to flex this little writer's muscle I've apprently REdeveloped since coming to the "Land of the Morning Calm" (or migraine, whatever you want to call it)

Here's a look at my first miserable attempy at writing an informative yet humorous piece of work...

http://www.ehow.com/how_4618089_survive-teaching-south-korea.html

Comments welcome, and if you need a How To article, I'm sure you can get someone else to write it for you....

Cheers!

Hats

This is my 100th post!

Anyways, I went downtown today. Koreans have taken winter hats to an ENTIRELY different level. I'd say the following is cool for kids, but I've seen adults wear them too.

It's like wearing a stuffed animal on your head, only it's a hat, and the arms of the animal are the earwarmers. Quite funny actually, so I took a picture. This little guy was a monkey, but I actually seriously considered buying the crocodile and wearing it around all winter...

Crate Fun

I bought Asher a crate. At some point, he will indeed have to go to America, and so I thought a crate would be better than a cardboard box.

So the crate arrived, and just to make sure Asher (who is NOT very big) would fit into it, we had a teacher test it out....

These are the results

SNOW!

We got snow here on Tuesday night, which was super exciting. Why? Because I like snow. Very simple.

The weird thing is that fall just got here like 2 weeks ago, and then we wake up Tuesday morning and it's all of about 30 degrees outside, the wind is blowing, and it sure doesn't FEEL like fall. In the middle of the first class I look up at the huge mountain from the window, and I can't see it, the clouds are covering it. At the same time 9 8 year olds start screeching "SNOW SNOW SNOW!" And snow it did. Huge, wet, floppy flakes of snow. It kept on and off all day, and only when we got home did it literally start pouring down.

So what do mature adults do in this situation? We went outside and took pictures in it, of COURSE!

Coffee Girls

I have been in Korea nearly 6 months. In that time, I have never NOT had my camera on me, and I have consistently and diligently tried to capture the coffee girl in a photo. Why you ask? Because, I'm in Korea, I'm F*ing bored, and this is what I do.

These two pictures were SO hard to get, but oh so worth it. I know I should probably find a more worthwhile hobby, like cross stitching, but I'm not into yarn.

These are for those of you that didn't believe me!

Feeeeesh

I took Asher on a walk today. I had meant to only go on a short walk, of the hour variety. I got through the park near my apartment, and decided to keep walking. When I got big intersection, I kept walking to the river, and when I got THERE, I figured why not just take the river downtown. All in all about a 3 hour walk. The walk is along the river, and you see little old men playing cards, and kids on bikes, and lame shit like that... I digress

I ended up at the Yongdam Market. I don't really think it's spelled like that, but in my world, that's ok. It's this enormous market with rows and rows and windy little paths and it shoots off in every which direction. I had found it last week with a friend, but didn't venture into the food area because the smell made me want to yack up my lunch. Today I was brave. Unfortunatley, I happened to have a curious puppy with me.

The stench of this place I almost cannot describe. Just realize that Korea is near the ocean, there is a LOT of fishy food here, and the fishy food gets left out in the open all day long and... you get the point? Visually it was awesome. Octopus in nets, squid laying out, fish all over the place, and the highlight of my day? Stingray. Rows upon rows of piled up stingrays, ready to be eaten for YOUR dinner. I asked the woman politely if I could take a picture, and she let me, so enjoy...

This was right about the time Asher discovered the watering hole. At least I thought that's what it was. Sometimes people in the fish places leave hoses running, and I thought that's what he was drinking from. I was SO wrong. What Asher WAS drinking out of must have been some left over fishtank water, mixed with dirt and mud. I just know that when he looked up at me with those innocently develish puppy eyes, that his paws were soaked with this black muddy tar material, and since his ears are so floppy and long, they had been dipped in it as well. And the smell.... I can't even explain to you.

I thought that if I walked a bit, the smell might go away, so I let him walk until his paws and dried off, scooped him up, and took his fishy muddy ass home. 5 minutes after arriving home my entire apartment also smelled like rotten fishy ass. I had to take the poor little guy into the bathroom, hose him down, and wash him THREE times. Head, paws, ears, all of it. I did NOT have a happy puppy. I felt a little bad to see him in his bed shivering and looking at me like I'm the scum of the Earth. On the plus side, he is now fish free, and is soft and fluffy and smells like yummy puppy.

Stupid fish water.

Korea

I woke up this morning and when I stepped into my bathroom I came to the following realization... the only "Western" thing left in there, is my toothbrush.

I have slowly, without even knowing it, acclimated myself to a culture that quite frankly, even though I have been here almost six months, consistently makes me feel like a monkey in a zoo.

After the bathroom discovery, I took in the rest of my apartment. The only familiar food in my fridge is the Minute Maid orange juice. I eat ramen noodles with spices and sauced I can't even begin to pronounce. Honestly, I can't even read the bag, but when I go shopping I know to pick out "that green one with the NON FRYING written on it". Shopping consists of recognizing colors and pictures, not writing. I buy meat at the store that I have no clue what it is, I just know it tastes good. I quite frankly don't even want to know what it is. I use a rice cooker, hang my laundry on the roof (on nice days) and have a pair of slippers I wear INSIDE.

I have begun to not say "excuse me" when bumping into another person. Why? Because if I said it to every person I bumped into, that's all I'd say all day long. Lining up for the bus I can now shove my way to the front with the best of them. I unabashedly stare at people for long periods, especially other foreigners. I enjoy sitting at Starbucks and people staring for hours on end. I throw toilet paper in a trash can, and use a courtesy bell (see previous post on that). I automatically turn on the water heater when I want to wash my dishes or take a shower, and I bow to people who are older than me.

I need a vacation!

My hair

So I'm not going to lie, I like my hair. I've got nice hair. My husband will tell you it feels like straw, but I beg to differ. It LOOKS good.

My time in Korea has turned my hair into shit. The water here is different, so every day my hair screams in agony as the moisture sucking water hits the already dry strands. The summer made it frizz into uncontrollable curls, and the cold air now dries it out even more. I have bought countless creams, special conditioners, and masks to try and restore it, but my hair is crying for mercy.

To top that off, I haven't dyed it in 3 months, and I've got roots coming in. This usually happens when brunettes come here with blond hair, and then months later they get they so classy DARK roots. I have the opposite problem. I came here with gorgeous chocolate brown hair and now I have an inch and a half of baby blond roots. The sun has turned my hair into this reddish, brownish, ugh color and add to that a distinct line of growth where the blond is growing back, and you've got yourself and picture of complete class. Note sarcasm.

On the plus side, I haven't let my natual hair color grow in for about 12 years, so to see that it actually still is the kind of blonde women try to achieve in salons makes me laugh at little bit. Maybe I'll let it grow in and see what happens...

Leggings

Imagine for a moment that you live in a country where nothing fits you. Now, welcome to my life.

I brought leggings from home with me. The nice soft ones from Target that cost $6 and are awesome to wear. Those leggings, thanks to my Korean washing machine, are now dead. They are stretched out every which way, have holes in places only my husband is allowed to see, and just basically look like shit. The ones that ARENT ruined are baggy on me because I've lost weight. So today I went on the hunt for new leggings. IN A COUNTRY WHERE THE WOMEN ARE HALF MY SIZE.

I've been having a hard time finding them. They're either made for little kids or so small I can't fit my toe into them. I was on my way to work today when I walked past a stand selling them. There are stands everywhere here, but the leggings caught my eye. They looked liked something my ass would actually fit into. So I stopped and the woman came over to help me. Now these leggings have no labels or anything on them, they just tell you how much you are, you stretch them a little, and off you go. They looked like they'd fit, they had nice stretch to them, so I bought them. No harm, no foul.

I bring them home tonight and try them on, and notice that the front stomach area is higher than the back. There is also lots of stretch in them. I know at this point you're probably laughing if you're a woman, because you know what kind of leggings I bought today. Yep. MATERNITY LEGGINGS. Not only did I buy maternity leggings, but I bought KOREAN MATERNITY LEGGINGS. It's sort of funny. I think it gets even funnier that at this point I don't give a rat's ass, and I'm going to rock those maternity leggings for all they are worth. Why? Because one, I wear tank tops over them, so you can't tell anyways. Two, I'm in Korea, and I don't care anymore. And last? Thanksgiving is in 3 weeks, at which point they will no longer be maternity pants, but shall turn into MY TURKEY PANTS!

Halloween Pt.2

Since one costume is hardly enough for fun times, here are some more for your viewing please. I figured going to work with small children with exposed shoulders (apprently a big NO NO in Korea) was not a good idea, so I saved the bedsheet and ridiculous eye makeup for the adults.

Enjoy!

No kidding

So I'm randomly reading the US Embassy's website on Korea, when I come across the following quote. I'm going to post it, but before I do, I'd just like to say that nowhere could anyone have written the description of life in Korea better than whoever wrote that at the Embassy....

"FOREIGNERS ARE NOT KOREAN: Korean society in general makes a great distinction between one's inner circle of family, friends and business colleagues, and outsiders. One should always treat one's inner circle with complete respect and courtesy, while one treats strangers with indifference. Korea is not an egalitarian society; one is either of a higher or a lower status than other people. How do foreigners fit into this scheme? The simple answer is - they don't. Foreigners are completely off the scope.

In recent years, less than 10 percent of Koreans traveled abroad, most often on group tours with other Koreans, or on business trips. Even now, with outbound tourism high, most Korean travelers still visit only friends, relatives or Korean neighborhoods, or travel in groups of other Koreans. Thus, Korean society remains very inwardly focused. For most Koreans, foreigners exist only as stereotypes, and are not always liked. Living in Korea as a foreigner requires patience and fortitude. Many foreigners have found Koreans can be quite friendly and warm, but a foreigner will seldom be accepted as part of the inner circle; he will almost always be an outsider looking in."

I am a circus animal, I rest my case. Thank you Mr. Embassy website writer.

Halloween

I was a Korean student for Halloween. I rocked that shite.

BoshinWHAT?!

So I'm in my 5pm class today, and we somehow get on the topic of dogs. The kids want to know what my puppy's name is, how big he is, yada yada yada.

Suddenly out of nowhere this kid Brad pipes up, "Ah yes teacher, boshintang... VERY DELICIOUS." We had been talking about food earlier, so I thought he was just slow. Then Kirk chimes in next to him "oh yea, delicious"

They were actually talking about food, boshintang happens to BE dog.... and according to my two 11 year old students, is VERY delicious...

Boshimakemevomit

Roots

For those of you that know me, this will come as a HUGE shock.... I haven't dyed my hair in 4 months. I know, as someone who was nicknamed Crayola at her old job, not touching my hair in this long should merit a medal.

I've dyed my hair since I was in high school, around 11th grade. I'm not really sure anymore WHAT my natural haircolor is, I'd guess somewhere around dishwater blonde.

Imagine my surprise when I recently started to notice my roots coming in. I haven't seen them in a long time because I dye my hair so much. My roots, to everyone at works' surprise, are blond. Not only are they blonde, they're some sort of PLATINUM blonde. Like a really really light white blonde coming in. Sort of makes me look weird, with brown hair and these light light roots. I'm contemplating growing them out to see what I look like as a complete blonde...

Makes all the fake blondes want to cry doesn't it?

Bleh

This blogger has been feeling a bit under the weather lately. I'm not lacking funny stories, or random observations, I'm simply not motivated to do much of anything. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning because well, my bed is quite warm. The change in temperature has gotten a lot of us teachers under the weather, myself included. I went from baking in humidity every hour to freezing my ass off walking home from school. Walks home now consists of bundling up in a jacket, a scarf, perhaps some gloves, and for some a hat. We chatter the whole way home, and as soon as I get home I warm up some soup.

Needless, my head is stuffy, my throat is sore, and I have no real motivation to move off the bed. And for those of you that know me, and know that when I get sick I like to be taken care of, the lack of anyone here to take care of me is pretty depressing too, lol. Yea, I'm a wuss, I'll admit it.

And the stories continue...

Kimchi Festival

My everpresent sidekick Liz has flown back home to Canadia, and I am now a lone wolf in the merciless wilds of Korea. Ok, not really THAT pathetic, but she's gone, so mostly I just walk alone now...

We had the annual Kimchi Festival here in town this weekend, it's supposed to be a pretty big thing, so this morning Asher and I set out to walk around and check it out.

It was pretty neat. Lots of booths set up, tons of food, raw meat spoiling in the sun, dead fish floating in tanks, and of course, kimchi. The food actually smelled AMAZING, but I didn't feel like eating alone, so I got some sweets and kept walking. Asher absolutely loved it, the vendors kept giving him meat off the grill, water, and every few feet I was stopped so that kids could pet him. He rolled around in the grass and passed out on the floor as soon as we got home.

I've added some pictures of the festival and some shots of the cooking... Enjoy!

Before and After

I've been here since June 23rd. In that time I've stopped eating fast food and started walking like 8 miles a day. Why?Well, cause for one, there's nothing much to do here besides drink or walk, so since I don't really drink, I walk. Second, Korean food doesn't like me, and there's really no fast food, so my diet now consists of tuna, eggs, ham, and the weird rice cracker thingies.

I didn't really notice the BIG picture until I saw this picture of me before I came here.... If you look closely, you can actually see my chin!

Bidet

So I've mentioned the bidets here. Some toilets here in Korea have about 10 buttons on them, and sometimes when I'm feeling random, yea, I like to hit the buttons and have a blast of ice cold water shoot my bum. It's quite nice, I'm not going to lie. The events that are described below however, I did not bargain for.

It was just a regular dinner, and I decided to go to the bathroom. Becky and Freya came with me. I went in first, and you know, did my thing. Then I decided it would be fun to hit the bidet button. So I did. Everything was fine and dandy for a minute, when I realized the water had been on quite a long time and had not turned off. So I hit the off button. Nothing happened. I hit it again, and the steady stream of water did not stop. At this point the girls are yelling at me because they have to pee, and my reply is "Seriously guys, I can't turn off the water!!!" I then unplugged the entire toilet, and the water KEPT ON COMING. I now realized that I was going to have to someone get my ass off the toilet, pull up my panties and my jeans and somehow slam the toilet cover down on this jetstream of water. Now imagine the following scene: I wiggle to the side, grab panties and jeans and in one swift movement stand up, pull them up, and yank down the toilet seat. The entire time the girls are still yelling "It's not funny Jasmin just turn it off!!" and I'm roaring back "I can't, seriously!" It was kind of funny.

So there we are, the three of us, staring at the closed toilet with water spraying out of it.

Stupid Korean Bidet

Octopus

Yesterday I was the butt of the joke. That's fine with me. Here's what happened:

I was walking with Liz downtown. On the way we stopped at the grocery for water, only I waited outside. I was standing next to the fishtanks, and one of the guys was putting the octopus from the tank into a bowl. All of a sudden he dropped it, and I made a little squeak. I made a squeak because those things freak me out. They're really small ones, the body is about 3 inches long and the tentacles maybe a foot.

Anywho, the guy picks up Mr. Octopus, and then turns to me. "Do you like octopus?" he asks me. I reply that no, I don't in fact like octopus, but that just means more for him. He laughs at this. The whole time he's talking to me, I notice that he's winding the tentacles around the little guy, so that maybe he can throw him back into the tank. Man, was I so wrong. He continues talking, and then slowly (so that I can HEAR the noise of the slurp) puts this LIVE octopus in his mouth, and swallows it.

I'm seriously not kidding when I let out a gasp and my entire body shuddered. I can't believe he ate that thing RAW and ALIVE. To each his own though.....

Wire Hangers

For those of you that know me, you know I'm completely anal about organizing my closet. Coats on one side, followed by sweaters, long sleeved shirts, and then collared shirts. All organized by sleeve length and color. It's a work of art really...

Taking a look at my closet this morning, I realize that I have been quite slacking in the closet department since coming to Korea. I've got shit hanging randomly everywhere, and half the stuff is turned inside out from the laundry. I have no iron here, so I haven't ironed anything since... June 23rd, lol. Nothing makes no sense and you know what? I. Dont. Care. I supposed I could go in there and make it pretty and anal, but I don't really feel like it. It's a little bit liberating.

The one thing that does crack me up every time I look in my closet are my hangers. At home I have color coordinated plastic and wooden hangers so everything hangs nice. The hangers here? Well, they were here when I moved in. They're bent wire hangers.

So basically, every time I look into my closet, I have a shot of Faye Dunaway in "Mommy Dearest" screaming "NO WIRE HANGERS!!!" at her daughter running through my mind. Maybe it's repressed guilt, and I feel like she's yelling at me instead.

Damn wire hangers.

Butcher shop

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about some pig heads I'd seen outside of a butcher shop. There were a bunch of pig heads lined up outside, just sitting there. I had wanted to take a picture, but by the time I got back that night they were all gone.

I've been by every day since when I walk Asher, and always keep my eyes peeled, but no pig heads.

Yesterday I hit jackpot, they were all lined up again outside. I quickly took Asher home, grabbed my camera, and took this picture. The fact that I'm now used to seeing things like this makes me think I should probably come home soon before I revert into a full Korean and start screeching "Hiiiiiiiiii" at foreigners. ;)

Fall Fashion

I know I had some problems with the summer clothing here in Korea. Ok fine, I thought they were F*ing hideous. Shopping was NOT fun for me until a few weeks ago. Everything in the summer was neon, tight, and briiiiight. Until now...

The fall fashions have come out in force, and honestly, I've never seen girls wear such CUTE clothes. It's mostly all about skirts and shorts with leggings and tights here. The girls wear these tiny little skirts, and dark tights with sky high little boots. I can't explain it really, but it looks very cute, and I'm all about it. The skirts are always a size too small, and to buy shoes here is hopeless. The tights here are like pantyhose, but with the heels and toes cut out, so they look like the little tights from the 80's, but much cuter. They wear them with heels, so you can see a little bit of the foot peeking out.

My goal downtown on Saturday is to take pictures of some of these, and post them. Stay tuned!

Comment

So I randomly get the following comment on a blog I made today. When I blog about my life here in Korea, I try to find humor in daily life. I try to find the simple differences and share them with those back home that aren't here. I do not hate Korea, Koreans, or really anything this country, it's simply different. I had posted a blog about shopping awhile back. The whole point of the blog was that Koreans dress completely different than I, who look like the Gap just threw up on me. I couldn't find anything because one, I'm 5'10, wear a size 9 shoe, and am TALL.

This following was the comment left by some person:

Your post makes me ashamed to be American. You're so frickin' condescending! Now wonder educated Koreans hate Americans. First off, you are fat, not just by asian standards but by world standards. 30% of Americans are obsese and you are one of them, thats why you couldn't find anything to buy, because Korea doesn't have stores like Target where pants have draw-strings. Second of all, you are racist against Korean women. You look at all of them as prostitutes, refuse to learn the culture, refuse to learn reading Korean (which takes about 4 hours) and generally walk around like a superior American with your stupid dog. In fact, when I was in Korea (lived there for six months) I felt ashamed about how entitled American women act in front of Korean women, that I refused to even associate with them. Yes, Korean has a lot of different customs, and they are not the most tact people on earth, but they are innocent compared to gluttonous, useless Americans who come over and teach them English and walk around judging them. With all your free time I suggest you do several things:1) go out around the country and to Seoul and learn about the history of the country. It's pretty interesting2) join a group or college where you can start to learn Korean through a language exchange partner, esp. a GUY. Tell your husband to f- off if he has a problem with it. I'm sure he's not making any money thats why he shipped your ass over there.3) stop being such an ignorant bitch and open your mind to different cultures and the way they do things4) stop thinking your shit doesn't stink because you are are white. 5) remember that Americans our age have negative savings, are up to our ass in debt, have a bullshit economy which is crashing and Asia is going to be richer than us, so in a few years time you will be begging for their money. So, unless you plan to live in hickville Ohio forever maybe it would serve your interests to learn their culture, language and learn how to use chopchicks and not look like an ass. Thanks.

I'm not really quite sure WHAT to make of this comment exactly. I read the whole thing with my mouth hanging open, and the first thing that came to mind was "When in the flying fuck did a size 10 become obese?"

I'm not going to defend a damn thing that this person wrote. I have no idea who wrote it, why, and who shit in his eggs this morning. I am however, really excited, that someone who has no clue who I am, and knows nothing about my life, took everything I wrote completely out of context, and then called my dog stupid.

And the whole time I'm reading this I'm thinking it sounds completely LIKE the quintessential asshole Americans that come over here. But what do I know, I'm from Germany...

Asher the Sissy

It occured to me today that Korea is perhaps not the best enviornment to raise a dog in. Aside from the fact that they eat dogs (yea, seriously, NOT a joke) the whole stigma I see when I'm out and about with the little guy is that at any minute he's going to break out of his leash, run towards small children, and devour them.

Asher is now 5 months old. He's still a bit small, but he's a spunky little guy who has a lot of energy. He gets about 3 walks a day, around an hour each. He's got a play area in the apartment, toys, food, and he's healthy, happy, and spoiled. He's been socialized with people, and does great with them. I found the only patch of grass in this city, and he rocks out on it every day with his squeaky ball.

The only thing I wish I could do is to socialize him with other animals. The only real dogs I see around here are the ones chained to gas stations. They are big, nasty, and MEAN. I walk Asher by the station once a day and the two dogs go absolutely crazy. I don't blame him for not being excited to meet dogs.

I took him to the vet last week for his shots, and as I walked in, three little dogs came running around the corner. They were all about half the size of my dog, and he immediatley ran between my legs and looking at me like "Mom, they are going to EAT me!" when all they wanted to do was play.

Every time I see a dog walking on the street I try to let Asher sniff and see what's going on, and he's getting a little bit better. But with every step forward you take two steps back...

We were walking tonight, and down the side of the road wanders a cat. Mind you, the car never saw Asher, never changed it's pace, and never even noticed anything. And this dog, he completely freaked out, stopped in his tracks, and would not BUDGE.

Nobody likes a sissy.

Chopsticks

This is my second attempt in 4 months in the use of chopsticks.

Not to mention I was not using them to eat. I was in fact using them to try and pick up my soju cocktail shot.

I failed.

My feet and the Gobi Desert

For those of you that know me, I'm a generally clean person. I'm not really about being dirty and grimy unless I'm camping. Then it's ok. I keep my apartment clean, my dog is clean, and I pride myself on never wearing wrinkled clothes or leaving my apartment looking like a homeless person. I guess you could say I'm a completely anal retentive neat freak. And that is fiiiine with me.

That point being made, I've noticed something about myself since I've arrived in Korea. No matter what I do, or where I go, how many times I shower, scrub, and buff, my feet are always insanely dirty. Every night when I come home from work there's a black film on the bottom of my feet. I have a chalk buffer in my shower, and every night I soak that baby up with soap and scrub my feet until they're raw. I go to bed every night with shiny and soft feet, and come home every night looking like I've been running barefoot through a war zone.

I cannot comprehend this. Is Korea just SO dirty that it just settles all over the place? Even when I wear shoes, the feet are black. I don't get it. It got so bad that even after scrubbing there seemed to be a permanent layer of black on my little tootsies. So I got an even more hardcore scrubber.

Going along the theme of dirt, another aspect of Korea has revealved itself. Every year, around this time, dust is blown down from the Gobi Desert. Apparently the deforestation in China is so bad, that now there's this monstrous desert, and the whopping winds from Russia pick up the dust and sand and dirt and grime, and blow it down our way. The result is this fine orange dust. It settles on EVERYTHING. I woke up Sunday morning to a cloudy sky. Only it wasn't cloud cloudy, it was "I live in a dirty polluted shithole" cloudy. The sky was gray, hazy, and really made me want to use a face mask. And as the day wore on, you could see this dust all over cars and signs and the like. Apparently it gets worse, and when you're walking some days you can just inhale, and then feel little grimy particles of dust and sand in your mouth. I can't wait for THAT.

Dirty feet and now a dusty mouth...

Currency

Since I've been here, I've generally NOT paid attention to the exchange rate. I just figure that 1,000 Won = $1. That works for me. Until today.

I wire money home once a month so that I can pay my bills. All I ever hear on the news is the glorious state of the American economy, and I think "Well, I'm here, so why stress about it?" WRONG AGAIN!

Long story short, the economic plague that is now affecting America has come to Korea. Korea exports something like 75% of goods to America, and now, it's becoming harder for them to do so, therefore, less exports, resulting in the rise of the Korean won. Or something like that. I'm not claiming to know much about any of this, I'm just saying...

ANYWHO, I go to the bank today and wire money home. I wire a total of 1.1 million won home, which is sort of the equivalent of $1,100. In order to do this I change the money from won into dollars, and then wire the full amount home. She gave me my receipt, and this is about exactly when I felt the strong urge to shart my pants... My 1.1 million won translated into $690. Exactly. I'm sure your jaw just dropped, so don't worry, cause that's what my stomach did when she handed me that paper.

The exchange rate is apparently the worst it's been in 60something years, and only expected to get worse. And even though it's technically money I never had, I feel like I lost about $400 in that transaction. A friend of mine wired $8,000 home to Canada last week and only ended up sending $6,000 due to the exchange rate.

All this shit going on over here, and they don't even have Chipotle.

Etiquette Bell

I can't believe I've been here 4 months now and have never mentioned this: the etiquette bell. I'm not sure where in that word there are 2 T's, but who cares.

The bell is in public bathrooms. You hit it when you're "going" and it makes noises. Some of them sound like chirping birds, some play classical music, and some just make toilet flushing sounds. I'm guessing the idea behind this is that if you're ever in a public restroom suffering from explosive diarrhea, (spelling?) that by hitting this bell it will miraculously cover the sound. I think if I were having a contest with my bowels and a chirping bird, my bowels would win.

I do find the flushing toilet sound comes in handy though. Sometimes I get nervous peeing in public bathroom, and the sound of the water makes it easier. Hey, I'm just sayin....

There are also toilets here with seat warming buttons, bidets, and all other kinds of squirty buttons on them. I found this out the hard way once by hitting a button instead of just flushing. Sadly while doing this I was already finished peeing, so when the jet of water hit me, I was standing directly over the toilet looking INTO it..... this is how we learn people!

The Murse

There's a phenomenon in Korea known as the man purse. The men don't even try to hide the fact that they are in fact, carrying a purse. It's not disguised as a messenger bag, or a briefcase. They straight up sling brown leather purses over their shoulders and go about their day.

I noticed it in full force this morning while taking Asher to the vet. There were two men walking in front of me, early twenties, most likely on their way to work. The one guy had on a black vest, which by it's cut made me think it MIGHT have belonged to a woman. Oh well, he made it work. Then there was his murse (man-purse). A brown leather purse, one that I myself might have carried, had it not been so shiny and decorative. Slung over his shoulder in the same way that I was carrying mine.

Part of me thinks that it's silly for men to carry PURSES around. I mean, a purse is for a GIRL right?! Then the other part of my brain kicks in and I think, men have shite to carry around too right? And perhaps in this part of Asia it's completely acceptable for men to carry purses. Maybe I'm just toting around this American notion of manliness, when here in fact, being macho means something completely different. The fact that I haven't seen a single macho Korean man the entire time I've been here means nothing...

Perhaps I could bring the manbag trend to America, starting with my husband :)

Payday

I got paid today!!!

We only get paid once a month here in the ROK, so this is the highlight of my month there.

That's all...

Coworkers

I realize that I have never really written anything about my coworkers, so nobody reading this has any clue whatsoever about my working enviornment. It boils down like this...

Apart from one other woman, I am the only American at work. We have one New Zealander, one South African, and two Brits. The rest are all Canadians. That said, my vocabulary now includes the words eh, rubbish, and bugger. My bosses are from Canadia, and the secretaries are Korean. Oh yea, and the kids are all Korean too, just in case you were wondering.

Also bear in mind that in this fabulous land of Korea, I have nobody to vent to. Why? Because all the people I would vent to, I work with, and this is just bad karma. So I decide to vent on the internet for all the world to see.

I am a firm believer in NOT talking about politics at work. It's one thing to talk about it with your friends, or at lunch, or whatever. It is NOT ok to talk about it in a tiny enclosed room with 12 other people of all nationalities present. If I want to hear about the horrible state of the US economy and Obama's views, I will go to CNN and get my information there. I do not want to go to work, try and concentrate on what I'm doing, and then loudly be informed about "Liberal tree huggers" from 5 feet away. By a Canadian no less. A Canadian who preaches nonstop about politics and his opinions, and has never once mention the HUGE election that's about to happen in Canada. Pretty nice EH?!

The other gem in the room is the teacher who stares at you like you're an idiot every time you talk to him. Every time anyone asks something, all you get in return is this wide eyed, open mouthed stare, as if you were speaking in a foreign language. There's always the 10 second delay before any answer as well. I'm sure he's a very nice person, but he's not given anyone a chance to get to know him, which puts him in the "oh well" category. As said before, I'm not here to make friends.

I'm sure Korea brings in it's share of oddballs, and I guess that's why I'm here writing about it. 12 people that not only work together, but live in close enough proximity to hear each other's telephone conversations and comings and goings. Anyone up for a team building workshop?

I'm an asshole

There is one thing about living in Korea that I have never gotten used to, and that's when groups of middle and high schoolers stop what they're doing, point at me, giggle, and yell HIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!! You really have to experience this to realize it's not all that cute. Sure, it might sound fine and you're probably thinking "So what, say Hi back". I thought this too when I got here. WRONG.

First of all, when I'm walking with someone else and having a conversation, I find it utterly rude to be interrupted by squealing children yelling at me. Second, the fact that I'm being pointed and giggled at makes me feel violated, zoo-animal like, and frankly a little violated.

So I decided to start having a little fun with the f*ckers.

At first I simply ignored them, but that didn't turn out to be any fun. Then, when they started giggling and pointing, I started giggling and pointing back at them. This simply made them giggle harder, which wasn't really the reaction I was looking for. I then upgraded antics, and learned how to say "What the hell are you looking at?" in Korean. The responses I get to this I can't understand, because well, I don't speak Korean. So again I was bored.

Asher proved to be more fun than I bargained for. Since Koreans are mostly NOT fans of dogs, whenever I'm walking him and I get the giggling and HIIIIII, I let him a little looser off his leash, which sends him barelling towards the middle of a group of 13 year old feet. The screaming and sheer terror this ignites in the kids makes me laugh. I know, I'm a horrible person. But it excites him, and who am I go keep my dog from being happy?

I've also become a fan of sticking my tongue out at them. It's not mean, and it makes them laugh. I see them staring, I stick out my tongue and cross my eyes. I get bonus points if they do it back.

When really little ones point and stare, I like to favor the bite. I look at them like I'm really mad and then snap my teeth together. This usually results in a wide eyed stare, and open mouthed gasp, and an immediate turning around back to their parents. I'm a huge supporter of teaching your kids manners, and not to stare at other people. It's rude.

Today was my crowning glory of having fun. It's probably totally wrong, but whatever.

Liz and I were walking downtown. And a side note, I saw more coffee girls today than I have ever seen on any given day, and one even said HI to us!!! How exciting is that?! I know, I was pretty pumped. ANYWAYS.... we were walking downtown, and about 100 feet in front of us was a gaggle of twittering 13 year olds, probably 8 or 9 of them. I knew we had a split second before we were spotted, so I said to Liz "Ssssh, play along". As suspected, as soon as we were within their range, they all started pointing, giggling, waving, and saying "HIIIIII". I waited until we got right up to them, saw them waving, look at them and did the following: I pointed to my ear, made an X with my arms, and then used sign language to Liz. All girls immediatley quieted and a chorus of "aaaaaaahhhh" echoed around the sidewalk. Annoyance averted.

I'm probably going to hell for what I do to kids here. But seriously, I'm not much of a drinker and I have to keep myself entertained somehow....

Jackpot

Today I reached a personal milestone in Korea: my coffe girl (i.e. prostitute) count has now surpassed 50, and I can stop counting.

Today was the first day where it was actually chilly outside. I think in Korea there is a weather button, and you hit and HEY! there's autumn. All jokes aside, it was an absolutely beautiful sunny day. The air was crisp, the wind was blowing, and long sleeves were in order.

Liz and I decided to walk to Home Plus. While walking I always keep my eyes and ears peeled for the sounds of the coffee girls. The loud music and the sideway pose on the back of the bike are the indicators. Usually I can see at least one when I walk. Not on this day. Today I saw SIX. And not only did I see that many, I actually came within touching distance of 3 of them! One stopped to refuel her "bodyguards" scooter. Liz and I were pretty excited by that. Then one whizzed and turned the corner as we crossed the street, about 3 feet from where we stood. Awesome again. And then on the way home one came flying down an alley, and I could have reached out and grabbed the strap of her Hello Kitty purse.

I do realize this is a strange and twisted hobby, but seriously, who cares?! It entertains me endlessly. If only I could get a photograph...

Life abroad

I suppose I didn't realize how many poeple read this blog. The extent of those reading this has surpassed those I gave the website to. I wanted to write about life in Korea, mostly the humor in things that are so different from back home. To those reading, they should note that for entertainment sake, I always add a little something to make it funnier, more enjoyable for those at home to read.

In reality, life here is sometimes not all that funny, or even entertaining. It's hard, and it's lonely. I wake up every morning in an empty bed, with the sound of my puppy whining to be walked. I walk him, stopping every few minutes to let someone pet him. I cannot understand anything that's said to me, so I just smile and nod. I go grocery shopping, and smile at the checkout girl. I cannot say anything to her, because she won't understand. I can't even ask for help in the grocery store, or any other store for that matter, because nobody speaks English. It is a rare and seldom thing here to be able to communicate with someone. I work with people who speak English, but most of them I cannot find a common ground with, and the conversations shared are basic and run as deep as a puddle. This is not a bad thing, and it's not because anyone dislikes each other, it's simply a difference of background and lifestyles. Every night I come home from work, cook dinner, walk my dog, and head to bed. Weekends are spent walking miles and miles because frankly, there's nothing really to do here if you're not a raging alcoholic, which I'm not. To the people that read this and don't live in Korea, there is no loneliness like that which you learn while living here. Surrounded by people and being separated by not only language, but lifestyle. At home we find common ground with others, while here there is none. At home we mostly embrace the cultures we are surrounded with, while here we are outcasts because of it.

I miss my husband terribly. People said I was crazy to get married and the move to another country. That's fine, everyone is entitled to their opinions. I have found that while being here, the realization of love has dawned on me. I never thought I was capable of caring about another person as much as I care about John, and no matter how many things I find enjoyment in here, they are simply not as good without my husband to share them with. I don't have a best friend here to make fun of Korean clothes with, or to vent to, or watch movies with, or simply live my life with. Being so far away from him has made me realize there is no other person I'd rather get old and ugly with, and experience life with.

I came to Korea to find myself, to know that I am able to take care of myself, and stand on my own two feet. I wanted to know that I could do it. I wanted to get out of the bubble of Cincinnati and find another culture, to experience life somewhere else, and learn about others. What I have learned while living here is that not only am I stronger than I believe capable of myself, but that also that home is with the people you love and cherish the most. It is only since coming here that the comforts of home have been made clear to me. They are comforts that I will never take for granted again.

So I hope to the readers that this blog is entertaining, and fun. But days get monotonous, and with every joke I write on here, it lets me reach out a little bit to those at home that I miss so much.

Heroes

"Heroes" is one of my favorite shows to watch. When at home, I watch it every Monday. This changes a little bit here. It's on Tuesday mornings, and I had planned to watch it on ABC.com. This did not turn out to be as easy as I had thought.

You can't watch anything on ABC.com if you're not in the United States. Sadly, they cannot tell through osmosis that I'm actually an American, so a little window pops up and says "Sorry, you suck at life and because you're in Korea, we're not going to let you watch your favorite show."

So I downloaded a program which lets you download stuff. Yea, that's how I'm describing it. So I use this program to download Heroes, only none of the copies work. I can't find a decent one. I then scour the internet to find any random site that will let me watch my favorite show. No such luck. It's now Thursday night.

Lucky for me, I work with a guy who loves downloading stuff, and can somehow find anything. I mean anything. So, on this Thursday night, I had to have a Canadian bring his entire hard drive to my apartment, load the shows into my computer, where I then had to use a downloaded media player to watch two hours of my favorite show.

Korea F*ing SPARKLING.

Cop a feel why don't ya

This morning I went to the bus terminal in town to get a phone card. The bus terminal was insanely crowded this morning, and here I am, in a tank top and a skirt to my knees, rushing through hundreds of Koreans. Then it happened.

There I am, minding my own business, when this 70ish year old woman walks up to me, thrusts both of her hands onto my ass and starts shouting "Yes, very sexy, beauuuuutiful".

Now where in the *$^% does this happen?! Sure as hell not back home. But then again, I do forget that in Korea I am only a zoo animal to be looked at and grabbed, so what was I even thinking being offended by a senior citizen molesting me in broad daylight?

Long weekend

So it's holiday time in Korea, which means a four day weekend for Jasmin and company. Liz and I have had plans to go to Seoul for quite some time now, and it's finally time to go.

I haven't been to Seoul yet, so I'm very excited. It's some insanely huge city, something like 11 million people, and if it's anything like the disorganization in THIS city, it should be very interesting.

Asher is on his own for the first time since I've brought him home, which frankly scares me. He's a big enough mama's boy as it is, so we'll see how he does with a stranger.

More info to come after the weekend when I get home...

Fun at school

I'm in class today teaching, and we're doing a round of "do you have a sister?" I get to little Abby, who is about 10 years old, and has bright red glasses, a squeaky little voice, and these bouncy pigtails. Basically she's the cutest thing ever.

I say "Abby, do you have a sister?" And she answers "Yes, I do" and I ask "How old is she?" and without hesitating with a dead straight face she says "She is $15 dollars."

Honest mistake, I know, but so cute!

A learning experience

I know most of my blogs are about the random and crazy things that happen here in Korea. But I also find myself changing a little bit here as well. Not in a major sense, but becoming more happy and secure with myself. I've never once in my life been entirely alone. I've always been surrounded by a close network of family and friends. I will never again take that for granted. Here, slowly, and bit by bit, I am learning just exactly what I'm capable of.

I live in a country where nobody speaks English. The tiny little things that I take for granted back home become a chore here. If I need cough drops, I have to find someone that can understand me. I can't get directions anywhere because I don't know any addresses and I can't understand the language. Grocery shopping now takes 3 times as long because I can't read labels. The fact that grocery shopping involves memorizing package coloring and looking at pictures sometimes makes me laugh. A lot of communication is done with hand signals, nods, and fingers. It's very childlike sometimes, but it gets the job done.

Customs here are so different from back home. Pushing and shoving into people without a second thought is normal here, so when I get angry at being shoved I calmly remind myself that it's normal here. And then I shove back. You never hand anyone here anything with your left hand, and it's considered rude. You don't write with red pen here, as it has something to do with the Japanese invading and they consider it back luck. You bow to old people. Even I find myself bowing every time I say hello to an elderly person.

Interaction with other foreigners here is also quite interesting. I find myself working with 12 people from all over the world. We come from all walks of life, with different views, different upbringings, and different morals. With that come different likes, hobbies, attitudes, and styles of living. These are mostly the same people I come into contact with every day, and I find myself wondering, "If I was at home, would I be friends with any of these people?" At home we go to work, and then we live our lives. Our lives are not intertwined with those of our co-workers. Here I feel odd because we're all together, in a foreign country. Should I spend time with people even though I have nothing in common with them and wouldn't be friends with them otherwise? I think not. I don't think there's anything wrong with it either. I'm here to work, not make friends. If I make good friends in the process, I consider it a bonus. One thing that I'm always good at is entertaining myself. I like travelling alone, and doing things that I want to do. I don't think that just because there's people here that I HAVE to become friends with them. That is not how life works.

Pigs

This morning I took Asher for a walk. I walk him down the street, through the neighborhood, and into a little park with grass and a soccer field. My neighborhood is like a little sidestreet in New York City. Little shops, grocers, people with stands on the sidewalk, butcher shops. It's own little entity in the city.

I took him down the sidewalk and passed the butcher shop. They always have fresh cuts of meat you can buy. And this morning, on the sidewalk, are 10 pig heads. For a split second I thought they were fake, and then I realized "No, I'm in Korea, and those are pig heads." Huge, dead, bloody pig heads. It was only the heads, and that's the only part that had blood on them. The actual head was white, pale, the eyes were closed, and the ears were laying out. All 10 of them laid out in a row. I stopped, shrieked, and then just gaped open mouthed.

I ran back after work tonight to try and snap a picture but they were all gone. I wish I would have had my camera on me.... Maybe tommorrow :)

Korean Fuzz

I came across this police car today. How can I take a Korean po po seriously when he has THAT seat cover on his car?!

If you missed it the first time, look closely....

Shopping Attempt

I attempted actual shopping in Korea. That is, I went out with the intent to purchase clothing and shoes. The main word here is ATTEMPTED! I came home with a $7 scarf and some hair conditioner.

Koreans don't dress badly. They dress like Koreans. I've never seen anything back home like the clothing they wear here. It's hard to explain unless you see it, which is why I take pictures of it as often as possible. I'm still trying to understand the mind of the Korean female. "Hmm, I think that today these green leggings, neon pink shirt, yellow shoes, red purse, and pink plastic clips in my hair would look REALLY GREAT!" Maybe they are all color blind, but as I, a non Korean, am not, this combination doesn't make sense to me. Anyways, I digress. The point of the excursion today was that I have just gotten paid a very nice amount, so I took $100 downtown with the intention of spending all of it and having a slamming good time.

Having a slamming good time was not in Jasmin's cards this morning. First off, it was raining. Second, every time Jasmin eats something NOT from the kitchen (i.e. OUT at a restaurant or fast food) she gets sick.

We ended up taking the bus to the university area. We then discovered that Korean's new fall fashions were all brown. Not a pretty brown, more like a "I just sharted in my pants" brown. Hideous browns, yellows, and greens. After looking through tiny little shops, countless racks, and pushing through dark haired short people, I gave up. On the plus side, I found some nice scarves for really cheap. Then I bought some conditioner, as the water here is killing my hair, and it is now silky and smooooth. The total dent in my wallet? $20.

After the exciting and oh so NOT successful shopping trip, Liz and I headed to Starbucks with our Scrabble board. Since moving here I have become addicted to Scrabble. However, I cannot beat Liz. I used up all 7 letters in my turn today, making the awesome word of "toolshed", got 50 extra points and a bonus turn, and I still lost. I made up with the stunning ego blow by having a doughnut from Dunkin' Donuts. We have that here.

Shopping here is not like back home. They don't have shops like Target, Gap, or anything really. It's tiny little independently owned boutiques that sell shit that doesn't even begin to cover a set of DD ta-ta's. I went out excited, thrilled, and anticipating cool little finds I would buy. I came home with depressed ta-ta's, a defeated Scrabble ego, a ring of jelly on my mouth from my doughnut, and a new scarf. On the plus side, my hair is now incredibly soft and shiny, and I only got stared at twice today.

Child Safety

This morning I'm in a cab, and look into the car next to me. In the backseat is a small boy. Not only is there a small boy, but the small boy is swinging from the "Oh Shit" handle. You know that handle you're supposed to use to steady yourself on the roof of the car? That one. He was holding onto it with both hands, his feet on the roof, swinging back and forth like a little monkey. He looked exactly like a MONKEY.

When I see kids in cars, I rarely see them in child seats. They're sitting on laps while parents drive, jumping around in the backseat, and jumping around in the FRONT seat. I've seen mopeds, and the driver has a small child standing between his legs with hands on the handlebars.

Britney Spears would fit in well here

You just asked me WHAT?!

My 8 o'clock student and I discuss world topics. She's incredibly smart, speaks great English, and it really fun to talk to.

Today in class she busts out the following... "Mrs. Raetzer, you're German. Since you're German, do you like Adolf Hitler? Because don't all Germans like him?"

My mouth hung open in pure shock, and I am thinking to myself "Did you just SERIOUSLY ask me that?!" Where do you even begin to answer such a question? Not only did a 13 year old jus task me that, but seriously, where do you START?!

At that exact moment, thankfully the bell rang, and I was saved from giving her a much needed non-Korean history lesson.

My New Student

I got a new private today. I was told I'd be getting one, so I was ready and prepared. They said he was young, so I was ready and prepared for that too. Then I walked into class...

This child is 4 years old. He comes to my knees, and is so small he has to sit on his feet to reach the desk. So I think "there's no way I can teach a 4 year old a FOREIGN LANGUAGE!" WRONG. I open the book and this kid starts pointing at stuff saying "car, carrot, rabbit". I was blown away. Then after class this little tyke holds my hand to walk out, and I immedietly fell in love.

I have to take a picture of this child and post it, he's the tiniest child I've ever seen. He's also so F*ing adorable I want to stuff him in between 2 Oreos and eat him. With milk.

Haircut

So I've been here almost 3 months, and in woman time, that means it's time for a haircut. Actually I should have had one about 6 weeks ago, but the thought of a Korean wielding a pair of scissors near my hair terrifies me. Why you ask? Because their idea of a haircut and ours is HIGHLY different. They seem to favor layers all over your head, looking somewhat like a circular bowl cut. Does this appeal to me? HELLLLL no.

So I had a teacher point out a salon to me, with explicit instructions to "ONLY A TRIM. I WANT IT TO LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME". I'm scared. I'm petrified. It's my HAIR! On Saturday I'm going all in.

I just really hope I don't come out with a Korean mullet. Seriously.

Stinky stuff

I took Asher out walking this morning, and as soon as I stepped outside I'm blasted by the nastiest smell I've smelled in a long time. Sort of like trash mixed in with fish. And not the nice grilled fish you smell at Mitchell's, I'm talking about the rotting kind.

I have no clue where it came from, and I hoped it would go away, but no. It lasted the WHOLE WAY down the street! Absolutely disgusting. Really made my morning, walking through trash smell and rotting fish whiffs.

Happy Monday!

Weekend fun!

We finished summer program at work this week. That means no more going in 2 hours early, plowing through lessons, only having a 5 minute break before the next round of mayhem comes in, and rushing around like crazy people. Now it's back to work at 2, teaching 55 minute classes, and done by 9. WOO HOO! We did have our end of summer party on Friday. Each teacher was assigned a game room, and since we just had the Olympics, they were all sports oriented games. MY job? I was on water balloon duty. That means I made 200 water balloons on Friday. Why? Because at the end of each hour, the kids got to throw water balloons at the teacher of their choice. I was only picked 4 times, so I only got mildly soaked. Our boss started chucking them at the TEACHERS at the last class, so thank to quick thinking I quickly filled up a bucket of ice cold water, snuck up behind him, and dumped the whole thing over his head. Yes, I know, sweet revenge.

I was sick this weekend. It's one thing to wake up with a sore throat, pounding headache, and a stuffed head. It's even worse to wake up with those symptoms in Korea. I can't speak Korean, so I couldn't go to the pharmacy and tell them what was wrong. Luckily thanks to my awesome planning skills I brought medicine from home, so I've been laying around like a lazy person all weekend, watching movies, playing with Asher, and systematically taking Motrin, sudafed, and NyQill.

Lots of staring and pointing by Koreans lately, as much as I love it (note sarcasm) I'm starting to feel like I'm at a zoo, and Jasmin is the main attraction. I mean seriously, manners? Ever heard of them?!

Most likely, not.

Creepy Kid

So in the spirit on not naming any names, I not going to name this one. But still, it freaks me out every day and it only occured to me today why.

There's a little kid in one of my classes. Shaggy long hair, pale skin. And he never talks. When he does, I can barely hear him. And he always looks familiar, but I just can't place it. Until today.

Homeslice looks dead on like the little boy from "The Grudge"! No joke, the creepy dead kid in the movie that screams like a cat? Yea, he's in MY class!

Freaks me out.

Kimchi

Kimchi: fermented and spiced cabbage.

If you're Korean, you eat it morning, noon, and night. With every meal.

I ask myself every day, why am I not eating this shite? I mean, looking at it just makes my mouth WATER. Every time someone even says the word "kimchi" I run out, buy a pound, and eat it on the spot.

Seriously... I've been eating tuna, eggs, and peanut butter and jelly for the past 9 weeks. I've lost weight so that my pants are now hanging off me. So if you're asking yourself "Jasmin, why don't you just eat Korean food?"

Kimchi is why.

FINALLY!!!

After 2 months, 3 days, 8 hours, and 56 seconds, THE HUMIDITY IS GONE!!!!!

Ok I'm completely unserious about the time, but honestly, it's gone. It's been hellish since I got off the plane. Every day, humid, sticky, sweaty, and smelly. Walking around, sitting in the classrooms, teaching, at home. All in total heat and humidity.

A few days ago we all woke up to blue skies and.... NICE SUNNY WARM weather. The key word missing here is humidity. It's gone. I figured it would come back after a few days, but it hasn't. Every day is no pleasant, warm, sunny, and absolutely beautiful.

The hottest day in Ohio could never compare to what we've all been living in the past 2 months. What we would call a heat advisory at home these people hike mountains in, in full long pants, jackets, hats, and gloves. Because of course, they wouldn't want to get any sun on their skin.

Today my windows are open, there's a nice breeze blowing, and the AirCon is off..... finally!

Cicada fun

I hate bugs. That said, I was attacked by killer cicadas last night. Only they weren't killer. And there was only one. And it didn't really attack me so much as simply fly into my window. Still, it was not pretty.

Three of us girls were sitting watching Tropic Thunder, when all of a sudden I heard the unmistakable buzz of a cicada. In. My. Apartment. It must have flown in through the window, and pulled a sneak attack on us. Now, I am not a sissy female, but if it's one thing that freaks me out, it's a cicada. And Korean cicadas are bigger than the ones back home. Bigger, louder, and uglier.

So, cicada flew into apartment, and three women start shrieking. Because really, it was gross. So we picked up the puppy, opened all the windows and the front door, and tried to fan it out. Mr. Cicada wasn't having it. I ran down the hall to get the male teacher, who replied with a laugh "just pick it up and throw it out the window!" Never send a man to do a woman's job.

So after swatting at it a few times, sending it flying around the room a few more times, we finally got it out of the window. Crisis averted.

Just another Monday night.....

Gone Fishin'

There are tons of fish restaurant crowding the streets with fishtanks. All kind of fish, squid, octopus, and weird worm things.

I was curious what would happen if I took up fishing. Walk up to a restaurant, open a tank, bust out a fishing pole and a bucket of bait and pull up a lawn chair. What would they do?

Could I pull the foreigner card in a situation like that?

Only in Korea

The coffee girl count jumped to 23 today. Yea, that's right. My new hobby is counting prostitutes while I go about my daily business. Really though, who can blame me? I live in a foreign country. I can't make friends because I can't understand anything anyone says to me. I see the same 11 white people every day, and frankly, only really like one of them. I can't join anything because gee, ITS ALL IN KOREAN! Cheese and rice, I bought fabric softener instead of laundry detergent. Why you ask? Because I can't read anything, and if it doesn't have pictures, I'm shit out of luck.

So what do I do? I count prostitutes. Why? Because when I'm walking to the grocery store and some motorbike comes roaring to a stoplight, music blasting, of course I turn to look. And what do I see? Some young punk who drives like a maniac, with a girl perched sideways behind him, done up like.... well, like a prostitute. Music blaring, which always seems to be "Low". Which means the whole rest of the way home I'm singing to myself "Shorty had them apple bottom jeans!" And I know it's wrong, and I probably shouldn't count this among a hobby, but seriously, it's really inevitable that I would find amusement in something like this. Those of you who know me, I'm a random person, with a slightly twisted sense of humor. I half want to pay for a girl, take her to lunch, and then just yell "WHY?!"

My goal for the next week is to up the count to 30. Research has shown that counts rise on days where heat and humidity is at it's minimum. Maybe I should take up knitting or something.

I'm getting more stupider

Seriously. I consider myself to be quite a well spoken person, with an extensive vocabulary, a well read brain, and sweet nunchuck skills. All these great qualities are being threatened. Why?

I teach elementary school children English. 5 days a week. 6 classes a day. I grade notebooks, homework, correct tests, sing songs, and teach phonics. How does this work? It's something like this: "Jane and Dave have a big cat band, they play very loud TODAAAAAAAAAY!" This teaches phonics. We sing songs that make no sense to us, but to the kids it's a great way to learn how to pronounce words. My favorite song? It's called "I have a zit". Yes, I'm not kidding.

Daily conversations for me at work now consist of "You! No speaking Korean. No sign homework, no goodbye (detention)" or even "Hey, you, sitting down! Running ANYO!" Anyo means no. I have no clue how you spell it, but that's how you say it. Me trying to explain my home in Ohio? "Miss Raetzer live no city, but suburbs. Many houses. No apartments. Houses? Houses like big apartment, stairs, many rooms. Kitchen. Oven big box, make cookies in. No, Miss Raetzer no eating kimchi in America. Miss Raetzer have big dog. Everyone love dogs in America. Miss Raetzer lots of grass around house."

Yea, I know. I feel my brain cells dying every time I open my mouth at school.