Weekend fun!

We finished summer program at work this week. That means no more going in 2 hours early, plowing through lessons, only having a 5 minute break before the next round of mayhem comes in, and rushing around like crazy people. Now it's back to work at 2, teaching 55 minute classes, and done by 9. WOO HOO! We did have our end of summer party on Friday. Each teacher was assigned a game room, and since we just had the Olympics, they were all sports oriented games. MY job? I was on water balloon duty. That means I made 200 water balloons on Friday. Why? Because at the end of each hour, the kids got to throw water balloons at the teacher of their choice. I was only picked 4 times, so I only got mildly soaked. Our boss started chucking them at the TEACHERS at the last class, so thank to quick thinking I quickly filled up a bucket of ice cold water, snuck up behind him, and dumped the whole thing over his head. Yes, I know, sweet revenge.

I was sick this weekend. It's one thing to wake up with a sore throat, pounding headache, and a stuffed head. It's even worse to wake up with those symptoms in Korea. I can't speak Korean, so I couldn't go to the pharmacy and tell them what was wrong. Luckily thanks to my awesome planning skills I brought medicine from home, so I've been laying around like a lazy person all weekend, watching movies, playing with Asher, and systematically taking Motrin, sudafed, and NyQill.

Lots of staring and pointing by Koreans lately, as much as I love it (note sarcasm) I'm starting to feel like I'm at a zoo, and Jasmin is the main attraction. I mean seriously, manners? Ever heard of them?!

Most likely, not.

Creepy Kid

So in the spirit on not naming any names, I not going to name this one. But still, it freaks me out every day and it only occured to me today why.

There's a little kid in one of my classes. Shaggy long hair, pale skin. And he never talks. When he does, I can barely hear him. And he always looks familiar, but I just can't place it. Until today.

Homeslice looks dead on like the little boy from "The Grudge"! No joke, the creepy dead kid in the movie that screams like a cat? Yea, he's in MY class!

Freaks me out.

Kimchi

Kimchi: fermented and spiced cabbage.

If you're Korean, you eat it morning, noon, and night. With every meal.

I ask myself every day, why am I not eating this shite? I mean, looking at it just makes my mouth WATER. Every time someone even says the word "kimchi" I run out, buy a pound, and eat it on the spot.

Seriously... I've been eating tuna, eggs, and peanut butter and jelly for the past 9 weeks. I've lost weight so that my pants are now hanging off me. So if you're asking yourself "Jasmin, why don't you just eat Korean food?"

Kimchi is why.

FINALLY!!!

After 2 months, 3 days, 8 hours, and 56 seconds, THE HUMIDITY IS GONE!!!!!

Ok I'm completely unserious about the time, but honestly, it's gone. It's been hellish since I got off the plane. Every day, humid, sticky, sweaty, and smelly. Walking around, sitting in the classrooms, teaching, at home. All in total heat and humidity.

A few days ago we all woke up to blue skies and.... NICE SUNNY WARM weather. The key word missing here is humidity. It's gone. I figured it would come back after a few days, but it hasn't. Every day is no pleasant, warm, sunny, and absolutely beautiful.

The hottest day in Ohio could never compare to what we've all been living in the past 2 months. What we would call a heat advisory at home these people hike mountains in, in full long pants, jackets, hats, and gloves. Because of course, they wouldn't want to get any sun on their skin.

Today my windows are open, there's a nice breeze blowing, and the AirCon is off..... finally!

Cicada fun

I hate bugs. That said, I was attacked by killer cicadas last night. Only they weren't killer. And there was only one. And it didn't really attack me so much as simply fly into my window. Still, it was not pretty.

Three of us girls were sitting watching Tropic Thunder, when all of a sudden I heard the unmistakable buzz of a cicada. In. My. Apartment. It must have flown in through the window, and pulled a sneak attack on us. Now, I am not a sissy female, but if it's one thing that freaks me out, it's a cicada. And Korean cicadas are bigger than the ones back home. Bigger, louder, and uglier.

So, cicada flew into apartment, and three women start shrieking. Because really, it was gross. So we picked up the puppy, opened all the windows and the front door, and tried to fan it out. Mr. Cicada wasn't having it. I ran down the hall to get the male teacher, who replied with a laugh "just pick it up and throw it out the window!" Never send a man to do a woman's job.

So after swatting at it a few times, sending it flying around the room a few more times, we finally got it out of the window. Crisis averted.

Just another Monday night.....

Gone Fishin'

There are tons of fish restaurant crowding the streets with fishtanks. All kind of fish, squid, octopus, and weird worm things.

I was curious what would happen if I took up fishing. Walk up to a restaurant, open a tank, bust out a fishing pole and a bucket of bait and pull up a lawn chair. What would they do?

Could I pull the foreigner card in a situation like that?

Only in Korea

The coffee girl count jumped to 23 today. Yea, that's right. My new hobby is counting prostitutes while I go about my daily business. Really though, who can blame me? I live in a foreign country. I can't make friends because I can't understand anything anyone says to me. I see the same 11 white people every day, and frankly, only really like one of them. I can't join anything because gee, ITS ALL IN KOREAN! Cheese and rice, I bought fabric softener instead of laundry detergent. Why you ask? Because I can't read anything, and if it doesn't have pictures, I'm shit out of luck.

So what do I do? I count prostitutes. Why? Because when I'm walking to the grocery store and some motorbike comes roaring to a stoplight, music blasting, of course I turn to look. And what do I see? Some young punk who drives like a maniac, with a girl perched sideways behind him, done up like.... well, like a prostitute. Music blaring, which always seems to be "Low". Which means the whole rest of the way home I'm singing to myself "Shorty had them apple bottom jeans!" And I know it's wrong, and I probably shouldn't count this among a hobby, but seriously, it's really inevitable that I would find amusement in something like this. Those of you who know me, I'm a random person, with a slightly twisted sense of humor. I half want to pay for a girl, take her to lunch, and then just yell "WHY?!"

My goal for the next week is to up the count to 30. Research has shown that counts rise on days where heat and humidity is at it's minimum. Maybe I should take up knitting or something.

I'm getting more stupider

Seriously. I consider myself to be quite a well spoken person, with an extensive vocabulary, a well read brain, and sweet nunchuck skills. All these great qualities are being threatened. Why?

I teach elementary school children English. 5 days a week. 6 classes a day. I grade notebooks, homework, correct tests, sing songs, and teach phonics. How does this work? It's something like this: "Jane and Dave have a big cat band, they play very loud TODAAAAAAAAAY!" This teaches phonics. We sing songs that make no sense to us, but to the kids it's a great way to learn how to pronounce words. My favorite song? It's called "I have a zit". Yes, I'm not kidding.

Daily conversations for me at work now consist of "You! No speaking Korean. No sign homework, no goodbye (detention)" or even "Hey, you, sitting down! Running ANYO!" Anyo means no. I have no clue how you spell it, but that's how you say it. Me trying to explain my home in Ohio? "Miss Raetzer live no city, but suburbs. Many houses. No apartments. Houses? Houses like big apartment, stairs, many rooms. Kitchen. Oven big box, make cookies in. No, Miss Raetzer no eating kimchi in America. Miss Raetzer have big dog. Everyone love dogs in America. Miss Raetzer lots of grass around house."

Yea, I know. I feel my brain cells dying every time I open my mouth at school.

Things I miss about home

Aside from the obvious, my husband, family, friends, and dog, there are quite a few things I'm finding that I miss about home, and the U.S. of A.

1. I REALLY, REALLY, cannot even describe, how much I miss Chipotle. I miss the sweet cheese melting in my mouth and the taste of the steak and rice in the bowls I always get. I even miss standing in line to yell my order at a bunch of people who don't speak English. I really know how they feel now, not understanding half of what anyone is yelling at you. Except in my case, I don't understand jack shit of what a single person is yelling at me.

2. I miss the morning traffic report on Q102! Yea, I really do. Jeff and Jenn in the morning, I miss you!

3. I miss the neighbors and their middle child, who always runs out of the house missing at least one shoe, with his dad running after him screaming and holding his books or his lunch.... middle child syndrome at it's best.

4. I miss tipping my kayak over, and the sheer moment of panic when I realize "shit, I can't roll!"

5. I miss Target. I miss the smell of Target when I walk in the door. I miss Old Navy and the Gap. I miss trying on clothes. I miss ripping the tags off clothes. Shit, I basically miss clothes in general. Clothes that aren't ugly, too small, and covered in glitter, shiny stuff, and lamee.

6. I miss my sweet car. I miss driving. The most action I have here with cars is either dodging them, or hailing cabs.

7. I miss Skittles.

8. I miss bookstores where I can find books in a language I can read.

9. I miss waking up to my husband every morning, being kissed goodbye before he goes to work, and getting a big fat hug when he comes home every afternoon.

10. I miss the sheer panic I'm thrown into by the sound of Don Wood's voice at my old job every day. Sometimes I wish he would just call me and yell something at me.

That's really all I can think of right now. That, and Chipotle. And Skyline. And Target.

ARGH!

Asher. Killer Dog.

Before you read any further, please know the following. My puppy, Asher, is about 3 months old. He weighs maybe around 8-10 lbs. His weapon of choice is his tongue, which he will lick you with all day. He's a tiny little thing, with huge floppy ears and polar bear paws. Seriously, his paws are huge.

That said, every time I take this little guy out for a walk, you'd think the world was ending. People look at him, give a little yelp, and cross the street. Kids shriek and run for cover behin their parents. Some people come over and pet him, but it's rare. Some even look at him with a hungry look in their eyes, probably thinking "I wonder how he'd taste with kimchi". Yea, they eat dogs here.

Koreans beware: my tiny dog will eat you. Neon clothing and all.

Random acts of fun in Korea

WE ROCK OUT IN MY APARTMENT
WE PLAY HUMPTY DUMPTY ON THE BEACH
I EAT THE HEADS OFF SMALL BIRD PASTRIES
I BURY FOREIGN CHILDREN AT THE BEACH
I FIND SUPER FLY SHOES DOWNTOWN WITH ELIZABETH

There really is only so much time we work, and let me tell you, it's not very much. In our spare time we must find things to otherwise occupy us. Sometimes it gets a little interesting....

Korean Motorbike Helmet

As I am neither a) Korean b) a man or c) own a motorcycle license, the following are only obversations made from my puny Western mind.

Every day I walk around this city, and see hundreds of mopeds, motocycles, and scooters. And I've notice a few things...

1) I have NEVER seen a woman driving a scooter. EVER.

2) I rarely see people wearing helmets.

3) When I DO see someone wearing a helmet, it's usually sitting on the top of their head, not fastened, straps dangling against their tender exposed necks.

4) More common than helmets are hardhats. Yea, the kind the guy in the Village People wore. The kind that tough NY construction workers pimp while drilling pavement. Those lame ass white plastic hats that sit on top of your head, and in case of a motorfun collision, would do absolutely NOTHING to save you.

I don't get it. Evidently, these same people that believe a fan can kill you (see previous post) apparently also believe that driving 65 MPH through tiny city streets (sometimes with a coffee girl on your back) is ok while not wearing a helmet. Or even on the sidewalks, because yes, they drive on them too. And honk at you if you're in their way. Which is another post onto itself entirely, and will be discussed at a later point.

All ranting aside, sometimes I want to grab the men, pick them up by their hideous neon clothing and yell "YOURE WEARING A HARDHAT ON A MOTORCYCLE?!?!?! WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!" And then when they look at me like I've gone completely, I just whip out that foreigner card, yell "Boo ya!" and walk away.

Dear weather

Dear Mother Nature,

I know you're quite busy and all, with controllong the weather all over the world, but I'd like to take a moment of your time to thank you for all that you do in South Korea.

I'm grateful for the heat you bestow upon us. And not just heat, you make it extra special by giving us the kind of heat that makes my skin want to melt off. And then, like Santa Claus, you throw in a bonus, and give us humidity. My favorite part of the day is when I step outside after being in my cool air conditioned apartment, and I walk into your hot and steamy creation. The sweat gathers on my back, under my arms, on my upper lip, and that's before I've even gotten down to the sidewalk. I look forward to that every single day, that moment I step outside. I love it even more when I walk long distances and you shine down upon me, scalding me with sweat, heat, and mosquitoes. It makes my heart beat a skip faster to know you love us here so much that you do this.

And now you bring the rain. And not just rain, but rain and clouds so wonderous they call it flood season. Every morning I look forward to packing an umbrella, because I know at some point in the day, showers are going to rain down on me, rain blowing from every direction, and wind whipping my umbrella into strange and unnatural shapes. And then, instead of dissapointing me with a fresh cool breeze as it normally does after a rain, you bring the stifling humidity on again.

Thank you so much, I love you.

Mmm Mmm Good

I dreamt of Chipotle last night. Yes, it's THAT bad. Chipotle, Skyline, Subway, even Dr. Pepper. They don't have Dr. Pepper here. Not even the fake kind.

What DO they have? Fish. Octopus. Rice paste. Octopus TENTACLES. Kimchi. God help me, the kimchi. They eat it with EVERYTHING. I went out to the the other day, and was served a side of kimchi with my pasta. PASTA! I will never again take for granted the fact that when we go out to eat and say "where?" none of us can decide. NEVER! :) I thought I'd be fine cause hey, at least they eat fish here. WRONG! The fish they do eat has been sitting outside in the humidity all day with it's eyes bulging out of it's head. They don't season fish here, they just flop it onto your table, head, guts, and all. It makes me think of Nemo, and then I have no appetite. The grocery stores here are filled with aisle after aisle of fried seaweed, dried squid, and stuff I can't even begin to guess.

My one experience with Korean cuisine here did come at a bar, when the waitress brought us a tray of chips and dip. At least that is what I thought it was. Turned out it was dried octopus chips. It made me want to.... well it made me seriously question why I would put strange food in my mouth in a foreign Asian country. Dried octopus. Where did it end up? In the bottom of the toilet, where I spit it as soon as I could politely leave my seat.

I am CRAVING some Skyline right now though, and Chipotle. In a serious and sad way. I'm going to Seoul in 3 weeks, they have a Subway there. I'm going to eat the whole building down. Haha.

Maybe they'll give me kimchi with my meatball sub. And a Dr. Pepper. Or even a Diet Dr. Pepper. Why Diet you ask? Because... it tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper.

Cheers!

The Foreigner Card

What is the foreigner card you ask? Why, I'll tell you! It's the ability, every time you do something and a Korean looks at you like your nuts, to pull your crazy foreigner card, wave it in the air, and yell "Ha! I'm a crazy foreigner!"

I've found it's a great excuse to just walk around without a care in the world. You do something weird? Every Korean will think "oh, well they're foreign". So it's a great way to just do things you wouldn't normally do at home. Such as? Running through the rain swinging off street lamps singing "I'm singing in the rain!" And? Walking with your friend in the exact same matching clothing through downtown, singing out loud and laughing. Making faces at the fried octopus tentacles at the corner market. Walking into a store with your dog and when they all come shrieking at you, shrug your shoulers, say "I'm sorry, no speaking Korean", and walk out.

I'm not saying I run around doing horrible things I'm not supposed to. But, it gives us the chance to let loose a little bit and be ourselves without sticking to the "society rules" and norms of back home.

Case in point: I walk to the corner grocery in the mornings. Which is normal. Only when I do it, I do it with curly hair sticking straight up in every direction, shower shoes, boxer shorts, and a tank top. In glasses, with no makeup, and I'm usually not even awake. Would I do this at home? Um, no. Why? Because I live in Mason, and to go out without full makeup and polo shirt and khakis is simply not done. Could I? I'm sure, but I'd feel gross and weird. But here, who do I have impress? They're all staring at me thinking I'm a crazy and weird foreigner anyways, so why not? If anyone says anything, I'll just be sure to whip out my foreigner card and should "BOO YA!"

Korean clothing

There is a reason why I do not shop in South Korea.

1) The clothes don't fit. They are made for people with no hips, no breasts, and tiny feet.

2) They are F*ing HIDEOUS!

Don't believe me, see the examples!

Our adventure today consisted of taking the bus downtown, and then finding stores where we could try on scary Korean clothing, and then take pictures of it. We then got kicked out, because apparently you're not supposed to try clothes on here lest you get makeup on them. So we took our little game to the Reebok store, where we got the employees in on it, trying to find the brightest and craziest shoes we could. We did indeed have a winner: a pair of MONPOLY HIGHTOPS. I kid you not, see the picture for proof!

The Unisex Bathroom

So I'm at school today, and I have to go to the bathroom, and only once I'm sitting down does it actually occur to me what I haven't realized is out of the ordinary for me.

My school has one bathroom. That's right. ONE. One boy stall, one girl stall, and one urinal. So now, after 8 weeks of being here, I find it completely normal to share a bathroom with 12 teachers, 200 students, 2 owners, and 2 secretaries. That's right, we all use the SAME bathroom!!!

I walk in today, and there's a little 8 year old boy using the urinal. We all share everything, and nobody looks twice. The other day a BOY passed me toilet paper under the stall.

And the best part of the bathroom is that the windows are permanently open, so the other day when we had typhoonlike rains, not only is it pouring outside, but it's pouring on ME as I'm peeing.

Korea, how I love thee....

Gwangju National Folk Museum

The Gwangju National Folk Museum
Some art from the 1500's in watercolors
Bhudda what?!
"Having a plenty of"..... priceless
This was a beautiful building

I went to the Gwangju Folk Museum this morning. Total time spent there: maybe 30 min. I went to find some culture, and got some pieces of metal, rock, and some Bhuddas. The lack of English on anything was a bit of a hindrance, because I couldn't understand any of the art and paintings, but I quickly got over it when I saw the English signs they DID have, because they were translated so hilariously.

Nice building, good morning, and fun things seen. Enjoy the photos!

More beach pictures

A father teaching his daughter how to fish early in the morning
The beach area, where you can rent innertubes for relaxing in ass cold water
I walked about a mile to get to a little pier to take some photos. The pier was full of old Korean fisherman who spent their days playing cards and fishing.
I loved this view
The view from the bus... the mountains start to get bigger the closer you get to the coast.

Here are some more photos from the beach... be jealous :)

Pictures

This is the view from sitting outside of the school building, onto the street.
A park about a five minute walk from my apartment, with lots of trails, museum, tennis courts, and some sort of amusement park that never seems to be open.
The Korean Sprite and Ruffles
Downtown Gwangju on a rainy afternoon
Korean dryer

Garbage Day

A few days a week I'm woken up by loud music blasting out of speakers, and a woman's voice. It's always the same melody, something you'd likely hear in an elevator. The woman's voice is soothing and sweet.

I always hear this early in the morning when I'm in bed and I think to myself "for the love of all that is holy, SHUT UP!"

I get up one morning, because at this point the music is driving me nuts, I have no idea where it's coming from, and it's really loud. I whip open the window to start yelling and... it's the GARBAGE TRUCK!

They come a few days a week, empty the recycling, take the trash, in these big neon green trucks that say "Project Gwangju" on them. I still have no clue what the recorded lady is saying, but it's one small mystery in Korea I seem to have figured out.

The birds and the bees

So two days a week I teach HaeJin, a thirteen year old girl. We read a youth newpaper, discuss the articles, and generally have pretty good conversations. She will pick the articles that interest her, we read them, and then have a back and forth discussion as her English is Fing awesome.

Tonight we were making up headlines about articles. One of the articles we read was about Angelina Jolie, and that she and her "partner" just had fraternal twins. HaeJin didn't understand fraternal, so we had a quick science lesson on identical and fraternal, which was fine. That I can do.

So we're talking about babies and twins and how cute they are, and then we talk about adoption since that is what the family did, and so on and so forth. Suddenly HaeJin looks at me and says "Wait, how did she have a baby if they are not married?"

And this is where the lesson ENDED, lol.

JFK and the cabbie

I get in a taxi today, coming back to my apartment. I sit down in the back, and low and behold, this 60 year old cab driver speaks phenomenal English. This is a rare treat here and always makes for a great cab ride. The conversation goes something like this:

Cabbie: Me, I speak English, I was in the Army and stationed in San Fransisco.

Me: Oh wow, your English is really good. San Fransisco is a nice city!

Cabbie: You American? What do you think of Bush?

(Koreans are quite interested in our political views. I learned in a very short amount of time here that if it involves President Bush, North Korea, or any other American politics, to just smile, nod, and tell them I'm Canadian)

Cabbie: I'm studying some English, could you help me pronounce a few things?

Me: Sure, I'd love to!

At this point the old man hands back a piece of paper with a bunch of Korean writing on it, and in between in tiny little letters, is english writing. It says the following:

"Ask not what your country can do for you, but...."

I'm sure you know this as the famous speach JFK gave back in the day. Here I am, in a city in the countryside of Korea, teaching an old Korean man a speech given by one of the most famous American presidents.

This country amazes me every day. The best part is that this entire spiel took place while he was running red lights, blasting his horn, and swerving in and out of traffic....

The Bengals in Korea

So I'm at Home Plus tonight, again for some reason surrounded by Koreans. I'm in the canned goods aisle, looking for.... looking for something edible actually, when I see the most random thing I've seen in my whole life.

Down the aisle comes walking a Korean girl with her boyfriend. Nothing odd there. The strange thing is that homeslice is wearing nothing other than a Cincinnati Bengals sweatshirt. In Gwangju, Korea, some random girl is wearing a Bengals sweatshirt.

So I did what any foreigner would do. I started jumping up and down shouting "Cincinnati, Cincinnati!! I'm from there!!!" Which actually looked like me pointing at her shirt, and then pointing at myself. I'm sure the girl thought I was absolutely nuts.

Which of course, I am :)

Beach Adventures

I went to the beach this weekend. We left by barely making the 6 a.m. bus, crowded by a bunch of teenagers also heading to the beach. After staying up all night because I thought I would sleep on the bus and at the beach, I wasn't tired, and got no sleep on the bus, but stared at the gorgeous view instead. Mountains, rice fields, and small towns...

After two hours our bus suddenly stops, and the bus driver points to us three girls and says "Wando, you get off here". Wando is an island, and that's the beach we were headed to. Only we weren't at a beach. We were at a "bus terminal" which consisted of a small metal shed with some soda and popsicles, the most disgusting bathrooms I've ever seen in my life, and 4 old people staring at us like we were foreigners.... which we were. We're slightly confused at this point, because this sure doesn't look like a beach, and all the kids are staring at us as the bus pulls away like "Are you crazy?" So here we are, in the middle of nowhere, with no English speaking person in sight, being stared at because, well, we're three white girls in the Korean countryside. The guy at the bus terminal was nice enough to find us an English speaking cabbie driving through, who kindly explained to us that yes, we had gotten off at the wrong stop. We now needed to take the village bus into town. After ten minutes the townie bus came, and we hop on, the only people on the bus. This quickly changes, as apparently this is market day. Every ten minutes the bus stops and tiny old wrinkled people get on the bus, tugging bags of corn, vegetables, and other goods they're going to sell. We get pushed to the back of the bus slowly by little old ladies, and after getting out of our seats to let old people sit, are standing squished in with the elderly, hot bags of corn, and a mix of plaid and flowered clothing, crazy visors, and hot sticky humidity.

We finally pulled into the bus terminal in Wando, where we were originally supposed to go, and take a cab to the beach. We drive onto this island via bridge, and veer around cliffs, winding little roads, and small towns. It's sunny, hot, beautiful, and the view is absolutely breathtaking. We get to the beach, and it's the perfect day for it. It was only 9 at this point, so the beach wasn't too crowded. On this really long wide beach, all the Koreans are crowded into one small area, so we truck it about a 20 minute walk down the sand, and set up camp. As we didn't see a single person all day wearing a bikini, we thought it'd be better to NOT run around the beach in our bikinis in wide view of 1,000 Koreans. So we put out our towels, busted out the cold water, books, and sunscreen, and made camp.

We spent a good part of the day on the beach, swimming in the water, watching fish jump into the air, small Korean kids playing in the water, and old Koreans pushing each other on inner tubes. It was gorgeous, relaxing, and fun. On a downside, apparently the sun is MUCH hotter in Korea than it is in Ohio, so Jasmin walked away that day with a HUGE and horrible sunburn. I got chills, sick, and spent the majority of the next day in bed.

Hope everyone enjoys the pictures, try no to be too jealous that I was on the beach while you all were at work. :) Miss everyone!