Happy Thanksgiving

So it's Thanksgiving today, and I didn't even realize it until about 3 hours after I'd woken up. Why? Because I'm in South Korea, and there were no Indians here for the white people to wipe out. Maybe there's some form of "The Japanese came and killed a lot of us" but I haven't heard of any holiday associated with that. Yes, that was probably completely UNpc of me to say, but whatever, I'm alone on Thanksgiving.

So what do you do when you're alone on Thanksgiving? Eh.... you make breakfast in your underwear and cuddle with your puppy while he tries to eat your face.

Seriously though, I really miss my family. I'm really big on holidays back home, and this time of year is my favorite time. There are always good friends and loved ones around, laughing and having a good time. It's the time of year when you cringe at the Christmas songs on the radio (I secretly LOVE them) and shopping becomes a contact sport. The air is cold and chilly and decorations start slowly going up, and twinkly lights are everywhere at night. Waking up and realizing I'm completely alone at the start of my favorite time of year is depressing enough in itself to make me want to go out and decorate a small Korean child in Christmas lights and shiny plastic streamers... or stuff them full of Stove Top and shove them in my toaster oven.

EHow.... EWHAT?!

Hello readers. I thought I'd take all this angry, pent up, frustration and put them to good use. I signed up on a website where you can publish how to articles. It seemed like fun, and a good way for me to flex this little writer's muscle I've apprently REdeveloped since coming to the "Land of the Morning Calm" (or migraine, whatever you want to call it)

Here's a look at my first miserable attempy at writing an informative yet humorous piece of work...

http://www.ehow.com/how_4618089_survive-teaching-south-korea.html

Comments welcome, and if you need a How To article, I'm sure you can get someone else to write it for you....

Cheers!

Hats

This is my 100th post!

Anyways, I went downtown today. Koreans have taken winter hats to an ENTIRELY different level. I'd say the following is cool for kids, but I've seen adults wear them too.

It's like wearing a stuffed animal on your head, only it's a hat, and the arms of the animal are the earwarmers. Quite funny actually, so I took a picture. This little guy was a monkey, but I actually seriously considered buying the crocodile and wearing it around all winter...

Crate Fun

I bought Asher a crate. At some point, he will indeed have to go to America, and so I thought a crate would be better than a cardboard box.

So the crate arrived, and just to make sure Asher (who is NOT very big) would fit into it, we had a teacher test it out....

These are the results

SNOW!

We got snow here on Tuesday night, which was super exciting. Why? Because I like snow. Very simple.

The weird thing is that fall just got here like 2 weeks ago, and then we wake up Tuesday morning and it's all of about 30 degrees outside, the wind is blowing, and it sure doesn't FEEL like fall. In the middle of the first class I look up at the huge mountain from the window, and I can't see it, the clouds are covering it. At the same time 9 8 year olds start screeching "SNOW SNOW SNOW!" And snow it did. Huge, wet, floppy flakes of snow. It kept on and off all day, and only when we got home did it literally start pouring down.

So what do mature adults do in this situation? We went outside and took pictures in it, of COURSE!

Coffee Girls

I have been in Korea nearly 6 months. In that time, I have never NOT had my camera on me, and I have consistently and diligently tried to capture the coffee girl in a photo. Why you ask? Because, I'm in Korea, I'm F*ing bored, and this is what I do.

These two pictures were SO hard to get, but oh so worth it. I know I should probably find a more worthwhile hobby, like cross stitching, but I'm not into yarn.

These are for those of you that didn't believe me!

Feeeeesh

I took Asher on a walk today. I had meant to only go on a short walk, of the hour variety. I got through the park near my apartment, and decided to keep walking. When I got big intersection, I kept walking to the river, and when I got THERE, I figured why not just take the river downtown. All in all about a 3 hour walk. The walk is along the river, and you see little old men playing cards, and kids on bikes, and lame shit like that... I digress

I ended up at the Yongdam Market. I don't really think it's spelled like that, but in my world, that's ok. It's this enormous market with rows and rows and windy little paths and it shoots off in every which direction. I had found it last week with a friend, but didn't venture into the food area because the smell made me want to yack up my lunch. Today I was brave. Unfortunatley, I happened to have a curious puppy with me.

The stench of this place I almost cannot describe. Just realize that Korea is near the ocean, there is a LOT of fishy food here, and the fishy food gets left out in the open all day long and... you get the point? Visually it was awesome. Octopus in nets, squid laying out, fish all over the place, and the highlight of my day? Stingray. Rows upon rows of piled up stingrays, ready to be eaten for YOUR dinner. I asked the woman politely if I could take a picture, and she let me, so enjoy...

This was right about the time Asher discovered the watering hole. At least I thought that's what it was. Sometimes people in the fish places leave hoses running, and I thought that's what he was drinking from. I was SO wrong. What Asher WAS drinking out of must have been some left over fishtank water, mixed with dirt and mud. I just know that when he looked up at me with those innocently develish puppy eyes, that his paws were soaked with this black muddy tar material, and since his ears are so floppy and long, they had been dipped in it as well. And the smell.... I can't even explain to you.

I thought that if I walked a bit, the smell might go away, so I let him walk until his paws and dried off, scooped him up, and took his fishy muddy ass home. 5 minutes after arriving home my entire apartment also smelled like rotten fishy ass. I had to take the poor little guy into the bathroom, hose him down, and wash him THREE times. Head, paws, ears, all of it. I did NOT have a happy puppy. I felt a little bad to see him in his bed shivering and looking at me like I'm the scum of the Earth. On the plus side, he is now fish free, and is soft and fluffy and smells like yummy puppy.

Stupid fish water.

Korea

I woke up this morning and when I stepped into my bathroom I came to the following realization... the only "Western" thing left in there, is my toothbrush.

I have slowly, without even knowing it, acclimated myself to a culture that quite frankly, even though I have been here almost six months, consistently makes me feel like a monkey in a zoo.

After the bathroom discovery, I took in the rest of my apartment. The only familiar food in my fridge is the Minute Maid orange juice. I eat ramen noodles with spices and sauced I can't even begin to pronounce. Honestly, I can't even read the bag, but when I go shopping I know to pick out "that green one with the NON FRYING written on it". Shopping consists of recognizing colors and pictures, not writing. I buy meat at the store that I have no clue what it is, I just know it tastes good. I quite frankly don't even want to know what it is. I use a rice cooker, hang my laundry on the roof (on nice days) and have a pair of slippers I wear INSIDE.

I have begun to not say "excuse me" when bumping into another person. Why? Because if I said it to every person I bumped into, that's all I'd say all day long. Lining up for the bus I can now shove my way to the front with the best of them. I unabashedly stare at people for long periods, especially other foreigners. I enjoy sitting at Starbucks and people staring for hours on end. I throw toilet paper in a trash can, and use a courtesy bell (see previous post on that). I automatically turn on the water heater when I want to wash my dishes or take a shower, and I bow to people who are older than me.

I need a vacation!

My hair

So I'm not going to lie, I like my hair. I've got nice hair. My husband will tell you it feels like straw, but I beg to differ. It LOOKS good.

My time in Korea has turned my hair into shit. The water here is different, so every day my hair screams in agony as the moisture sucking water hits the already dry strands. The summer made it frizz into uncontrollable curls, and the cold air now dries it out even more. I have bought countless creams, special conditioners, and masks to try and restore it, but my hair is crying for mercy.

To top that off, I haven't dyed it in 3 months, and I've got roots coming in. This usually happens when brunettes come here with blond hair, and then months later they get they so classy DARK roots. I have the opposite problem. I came here with gorgeous chocolate brown hair and now I have an inch and a half of baby blond roots. The sun has turned my hair into this reddish, brownish, ugh color and add to that a distinct line of growth where the blond is growing back, and you've got yourself and picture of complete class. Note sarcasm.

On the plus side, I haven't let my natual hair color grow in for about 12 years, so to see that it actually still is the kind of blonde women try to achieve in salons makes me laugh at little bit. Maybe I'll let it grow in and see what happens...

Leggings

Imagine for a moment that you live in a country where nothing fits you. Now, welcome to my life.

I brought leggings from home with me. The nice soft ones from Target that cost $6 and are awesome to wear. Those leggings, thanks to my Korean washing machine, are now dead. They are stretched out every which way, have holes in places only my husband is allowed to see, and just basically look like shit. The ones that ARENT ruined are baggy on me because I've lost weight. So today I went on the hunt for new leggings. IN A COUNTRY WHERE THE WOMEN ARE HALF MY SIZE.

I've been having a hard time finding them. They're either made for little kids or so small I can't fit my toe into them. I was on my way to work today when I walked past a stand selling them. There are stands everywhere here, but the leggings caught my eye. They looked liked something my ass would actually fit into. So I stopped and the woman came over to help me. Now these leggings have no labels or anything on them, they just tell you how much you are, you stretch them a little, and off you go. They looked like they'd fit, they had nice stretch to them, so I bought them. No harm, no foul.

I bring them home tonight and try them on, and notice that the front stomach area is higher than the back. There is also lots of stretch in them. I know at this point you're probably laughing if you're a woman, because you know what kind of leggings I bought today. Yep. MATERNITY LEGGINGS. Not only did I buy maternity leggings, but I bought KOREAN MATERNITY LEGGINGS. It's sort of funny. I think it gets even funnier that at this point I don't give a rat's ass, and I'm going to rock those maternity leggings for all they are worth. Why? Because one, I wear tank tops over them, so you can't tell anyways. Two, I'm in Korea, and I don't care anymore. And last? Thanksgiving is in 3 weeks, at which point they will no longer be maternity pants, but shall turn into MY TURKEY PANTS!

Halloween Pt.2

Since one costume is hardly enough for fun times, here are some more for your viewing please. I figured going to work with small children with exposed shoulders (apprently a big NO NO in Korea) was not a good idea, so I saved the bedsheet and ridiculous eye makeup for the adults.

Enjoy!

No kidding

So I'm randomly reading the US Embassy's website on Korea, when I come across the following quote. I'm going to post it, but before I do, I'd just like to say that nowhere could anyone have written the description of life in Korea better than whoever wrote that at the Embassy....

"FOREIGNERS ARE NOT KOREAN: Korean society in general makes a great distinction between one's inner circle of family, friends and business colleagues, and outsiders. One should always treat one's inner circle with complete respect and courtesy, while one treats strangers with indifference. Korea is not an egalitarian society; one is either of a higher or a lower status than other people. How do foreigners fit into this scheme? The simple answer is - they don't. Foreigners are completely off the scope.

In recent years, less than 10 percent of Koreans traveled abroad, most often on group tours with other Koreans, or on business trips. Even now, with outbound tourism high, most Korean travelers still visit only friends, relatives or Korean neighborhoods, or travel in groups of other Koreans. Thus, Korean society remains very inwardly focused. For most Koreans, foreigners exist only as stereotypes, and are not always liked. Living in Korea as a foreigner requires patience and fortitude. Many foreigners have found Koreans can be quite friendly and warm, but a foreigner will seldom be accepted as part of the inner circle; he will almost always be an outsider looking in."

I am a circus animal, I rest my case. Thank you Mr. Embassy website writer.

Halloween

I was a Korean student for Halloween. I rocked that shite.